Fathers day.

It's father’s day, and he doesn't know.

The big guy knows about birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and other holidays, but I don't think he has a concept of time like we do. I know he loves his birthday, just like any kid his age, but I don't think he understands it's exactly a year after the last one. When the little guy has his birthday we have to explain to him that the presents are not his, he just wants to open them.

I understand he does not get yearly celebrations like that. Don't get me wrong, he knows his birthday is coming up, we tell him, but in February I don't think he's looking forward to August when he can open his presents. I also know he knows when Easter or Christmas is on its way, but little things like father’s day, I think are just another day for him.

What makes it an awesome day for me, when I walk through the door and he runs at me, arms open, screaming "Dahdee" and gives me a big hug. I love him so much, and to see him spontaneously act like that is the best gift any father can have, period. 

He can make macaroni pictures, hand print clay things, or draw bunches of different colored circles on a paper for me, and those are really cool treasures, but the best is the early morning hug, like I've been gone for a year. 

I never want him gone from my life. I always want to see his happy. I don't want to hurt him, though I sometimes have to make him mad for his own good. I love the life in his eyes, and the way sitting on the couch watching SpongeBob is the best time ever. This also goes for the little guy.

They are my stars, and I don't want them to burn out. It wouldn't be much of a father’s day without them. 

Who's your star on this father’s day?

Video games are fun.

He plays video games on his iPad, mom and my computer, and on the Wii, and sometimes he can't do what he wants. When that happens, he asks me, which makes me feel awesome. The main problem is he cannot manipulate things the way he wants, and it’s not on every video game, just a few. He sometimes gets mad when I do help him, because he does not know that the things I'm doing in the game will achieve the desired result. I try to explain to him I'm doing what he wants, but this is the worst barrier, because it's hard for him to understand I'm trying to do what he is asking of me.

Earlier today (Sunday) he was playing on my computer some nick jr games, when he found another game on my computer, and he started watching the movies for the game. He was totally enthralled with them, so I asked him if he wanted to play the game and he said "yesh". It was fun for him, he's seen me play the game before, and has always loved watching me play, so I let him go at it.

This game is an MMORPG, and so he can play with other people online at the same time, and my mom plays this game, so she got to play with him. He had a blast, the toon (that's what we call an in game character) he was playing has a motorcycle he likes to ride, so he was riding that around, and the same toon also has a helicopter, so he was flying that around. Then he got off the helicopter when he was flying really high, and fell to his death. So he comes and gets me so I can help him get back to the toon's body so he can revive and play more because he can't find it, but I can't find it ether because he landed on the side of a mountain and we couldn't get there as a ghost. To make a long story short I had to get someone to find the toon's corpse and resurrect him so he could keep playing.

After he was able to play again my mom had gotten on the game and they got to play together. He followed her around, and I told him it was grandma, and they had fun, she sat around and watched him playing with stuff, killing low level things, and interacting with the environment, it was cool. Then I guess he was getting frustrated with the game, so he grabbed me, pulled me to the computer, waved his hand at the computer, and said "bye". So I asked him if he was done playing, and he says "yesh", so I turned off the game. Then it was back to the nick jr games. He's just so capable in so many ways he amazes me, and I love to help him when he knows he can't do something.

I once heard a story a long time ago about a person's greatest strength, I know I'll butcher this story, but I will still try to get the idea across.

A father and son are driving down a country road, and they come across a small tree fallen across the road. The father and son get out and the son boasts proudly "it's not very big, I can move it myself". So the father lets the son try to move it, and the son can pick up on end, but can do little more than that. So the son puts the tree back down, and walks back over to his father dejected due to his failure. The father, still proud of his son's attempt, turns to the son and says "you did your best, but you forgot one tool you had available to you" and the son, a bit confused asked his father what tool that was. His father replies "me". His father goes on to explain "you may have had many tools available to you to move the tree yourself, but one of your most powerful tools is the ability to know when you need help, and ask for it, I was hoping you would ask for my help in moving the tree". So the son and father worked together and moved the small tree off the road, and continued on their way home. 

One of the reasons I love this story is because it reminds me of my son and I, he may be able to do some things, but he will need me for others. I love when he knows he needs me for some things, and he tells me. I don't find it a sign of weakness, I find it a strength to know when you need others and you cannot do something on your own. 

There are times he wants me to play the game for him, and I have no problem with that because I know one day he won’t need me to do that. I also love hen he asks me for anything really, it's a connection with him, a way for me to know he thinks about me. The reason why really doesn't matter to me because he may just need me because I'm tall, it's just the simple fact that I come to mind that I love. I know he won’t need me like that forever, and eventually he may just need me to be there, or he may need me to go away, but it feels so awesome right now and I love it. 

Do you feel the same when your child asks for something?

Bed time.

Everyone has a bad day every now and then. Some of us have bad days more than others, while some of us have good days more than others. I wonder some times how the big guy views his day, if he thinks they are good or bad, or just so so.

Sometimes the big guy thinks I'm mean when I say things like "it's time guys" which means it's bed time. At the same time, the little guy has also said I'm being mean when I say that. The big guy told me tonight (
Sunday the 10th ) "you mea daddy" when I said it was time.

Everyone has a bad day every now and then. Some of us have bad days more than others, while some of us have good days more than others. I wonder sometimes how the big guy views his day, if he thinks they are good or bad, or just so so.

Sometimes the big guy thinks I'm mean when I say things like "it's time guys" which means its bed time. At the same time, the little guy has also said I'm being mean when I say that. The big guy told me tonight (Sunday the 10th) "you mea daddy" when I said it was time.

I really do think in his mind I am being mean on purpose, like I'm honestly trying to ruin his fun time. I don't want to be a mean daddy, but bed time is bed time. I don't want to be a bad daddy, but when it's time to do something I try to make it as easy as I can on him, but sometimes he gets really mad at me for it. Sometimes he goes to bed easy, other times he has a big problem with it and does not want to go to bed. 

School let out a while ago for summer, so mom and I were trying a new thing where we would just let him go till he fell out and crashed. Our idea (her idea really) was he would sleep later in the morning because he went to bed so late at night. During the school year we have tried to have him in bed by 8pm or 9 pm, that way he would have enough sleep to get up and go to school. So 7am would come along and mom would end up dressing him while he was sleeping because he didn't want to wake up, then on the weekends he would be up at 6am or 6:30. It was like he knew he didn't have to go to school, so he wanted to get to playing as soon as possible to get in as much as he could for the day. 

So a few nights last week he stayed up till 11:30 one night, 12:00 another night, and about 10 or so another night, but that did not translate to later mornings, as most mornings he was still up at 6 am, and one morning sooner. So it has been confirmed, he knows he does not have school, so he's getting up early because of it. I'm telling you, I have a six year old teenager. 

So now after the experiment he has gone back to having a "normal" bedtime, roughly 8 or 9 pm. At least this way he will have more than just 6 or 7 hours of sleep. We will just have to deal with him getting up early. It's not so bad, I used to do it when I was his age, I just hope he doesn't feed the fish like I did when I was around his age, I don't think the fish would like to eat mayo, ketchup, mustard, salt and pepper and a whole host of other condiments. 

I know it's just a kid thing; the little guy gets up early also, sometimes really early. So I guess it's OK, we will just have to have early mornings while he's out of school. I wonder if I tell him he has school in the morning if he would sleep in......hmmm... I wonder.

So, is your kid an early riser?

The restaurant effects everyone.

We went out to dinner, and it didn't go so well. The big guy was OK, but he had a few issues.

So mom got a few free coupons to chili's, and we went. The little guy was really good, and he was even flirting with a waitress, which was hilarious, and the big guy had the iPad. That is where the problems started.

As I've said in my earlier posts, he has a new iPad. We got him the WiFi only model as it was cheaper, and we would't have to have a data plan for it, just buy it outright. A while back I unlocked YouTube on his iPad, and yeah I know that may be a little dangerous because he may watch something we don't want him to watch, but that has not happened yet.

What has happened is he started watching videos about Super Mario 64 on it, which I find awesome. He is totally enthralled with the videos because they are game play videos, so it's as if he is playing the game, but not having to do anything. I thought it was cute at first, but now I really do not like it.

Anyone with an autistic child will know how they can focus on something to the point of killing it. He has killed this. Now if you don't know about YouTube you've probably been in prison since 2004, but if you watch a video it buffers before you can watch it, but once it has finished buffering and you don't look for a new video you can actually pull the slider back and watch the video again as many times as you want.

Herein lies the problem.

So we got to chili's and everything was fine, the video he had watched at the house was still on the device because it is a 20 minute video. Once we were there he decided to watch a different video, which did not happen. That is when he started having a problem. He loved the southwestern egg rolls, but did not want any of his real dinner (that's OK cuz it was free). Once he found out he couldn't find any more videos the big guy started having problems, getting mat at mom and I, trying to bite mom, screaming, and just generally being mad.

This wasn't a meltdown, just being mad that he can't watch any more videos. The bigger problem is both mom and I have an iPhone, and YouTube on our phone, but he did not want to deal with that at all. I think he didn't want to deal with it for two reasons. The first reason I think he had a problem with watching the videos on mom's phone is the size of the phone, it is a bit small. The second reason is YouTube has a different format on the iPhone as opposed to the iPad and because he's so visually oriented, it bothers him to see YouTube is a different way.

Ether way, we left in a bit of a hurry, he did eat, though probably not as much as I would have liked. He did not have a full on meltdown, though he was crabby. The one thing that was really cute, he was so tired when we were sitting in the booth, and I think that has some to do with the way he was acting.

I'm going to lock YouTube out on the iPad again and I know this will make him mad, but I don't like to see him so passive with the iPad. The apps he has designed for autism are engaging, and the games he plays he is also engaged with. It's just when he's watching things on it I don't like, I feel like he's zoning out and not participating, just letting things happen.

 I don't want to look like the bad guy or anything, but I do want him to interact with things, not just sit and let them happen passively. I just feel like he's not learning like that.You think limiting his passive video watching is mean?

Should you teach your autistic child to swim?

As far back as I can remember my family has always gone swimming. It was ether at a lake, a community pool, my grandmother’s apartment complex, the beach in California, almost anywhere. My siblings and I always had a blast, and we never tired of it.

During the summer it was our thing to do, what I didn't realize is it never cost anything. Yeah it would cost the money it took to pay for gas to drive there, or maybe the money for sandwiches while we were there (most of the time we had a huge bowl or grapes and cherry's to eat by the pool), but honestly, that's not very much.

So swimming is a cheap form or entertainment. It's also a great form of exercise. What's better than kids getting outside and expelling load of energy, especially with all the digital distractions we have today.

OK, so now we have a cheap, good source of exercise, and it gets me off the couch also, so that can't be bad. Then we have the "life skill" aspect. I don't know anyone who does not know how to swim, or at the very least, no one has ever told me they don't know how to swim. I want my son to know how to swim, even if it's only doggy paddle. I think this is something he will need to know.

So last year my wife got one of the small pop-up pools. The pool isn't very big, about four feet high, and 12 feet around, and we sent it up. He loves it, and everyone else likes to have fun in it. We set it up again this year, and we have used it a few times, but he hasn't learned to swim yet, and I don't expect him to for a while.

The little guy hasn't learned to swim ether, but that's OK, I didn't learn to actually swim until I was about 6 myself. The little guy is our water baby; the big guy on the other hand will always do what he wants. There have been times we've had to get out because the big guy has decided he was done swimming after only a half hour. The thing that worries me about the big guy is he has gone under before, and I don't want that to scare him out of anything to do with water.

When he goes under, and it has only been for a second, he does not want to have anything to do with the pool anymore. I know it's scary for a regular child, but for an autistic it must be horrifying. It takes so long to get him to want to go back in the pool after going under, even days later, so I just let him work it through, and he usually comes around and wants to have fun more than he fears going under water again.

So I will go slowly at teaching him how to swim and the little guy as well. Though I do want him to know, I'll let him learn in his own time. Once he does learn, I think we will go up to a larger size pool, till then, we will stay with the 4 footer.

Would you teach your autistic child to swim? How would you go about it?

WHHH-aa-TTT, as in What?

So for a little while now I have been going over "words" with the big guy. It’s fun, I love it, and when we do this I feel as if we are the only two people in the world.

We will go over his "words" when he goes to bed, and tonight is the first night I've had the chance to do it in a week. I usually get the little guy in bed first, give him hugs and kisses, then off to the big guy. I get him all ready for bed, turn off his "TT" (his name for the TV) and lay him in bed, cover him up, give him his bumpy (his bumpy is his actual bumper from his crib, he's had the thing since he was born) and then I ask him if he wants to  do his words. No matter how much of a fuss he is putting up about going to bed, he always says yes. 

The first word we do every time is the word "what". The first time he says this word it comes out as "waa". I have to put a lot of emphasis on the "wh" the "a" and the "t", and then he will say it back to my the same way. We do all the "W" words first; what, where, when, why, but I don't put in who or how, they have different beginning sounds, and I don't want to confuse him.

These are not the only words we practice, we also do "ear" "fun" "phone" and a number of other words that have the same beginning sounds. His speech lady gave us a number of different pages that have words on them, so we also do words like "firefighter" and this word he says in the cutest way. It's like he whispers it, like it's so awesome he can only whisper the word. 

This is not the only word he says in a strange way, he says fire the same way by whispering it. He says the word fish really quick, but also with a swishing type of sound. He says the word ear almost like hear. This makes me wonder about how he thinks about words. I have read a little off Temple Grandin's book "Thinking in Pictures", (That link is really cool because it’s all the first chapter plus added material, go and check it out). I think the way he is thinking about the words is almost like the word will carry the action within the pronunciation, or the word will carry the feeling along with the pronunciation, which is really cool.

So the word "fire" carries with it the awe it inspires, the fear it conveys, and dancing magic it inspires. The word "firefighter" carries much of the same feelings, but also carries with it heroism, duty, honor, and strength. If this is true, it’s totally awesome. When we talk to each other, I mean us "normal" people; our words don't carry so much with them.

I will explain to you that a house caught on fire, the house was burning down, and firemen came and put the fire out. You will most likely think of this is a detached way, "just the facts ma'am". If I tell the big guy the same thing it is totally different. When the big guy hears the same story, it's more like this "Awesome, damaging, fearful fire was destroying a home. Then bravery, honor, strength and duty appeared upon the scene to do battle with the flames. After a heated battle, with very heroic moments, honor prevailed and beat back the fearful destructive flames". 

That sounds so much more fun than the "just the facts ma'am" explanation.

Dr. Big Guy and MR. Hyde

So you all know the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, basically two personalities in one person. One personality is of the respectable upstanding Dr. Jekyll, and the other personality is of Mr. Hyde, who does despicable things.

I named this post similarly because of the totally different personalities the big guy has for different situations. His teacher and teachers' aid have read my blog and have laughed about how I have described him differently when he is at home; you see.... he is Dr. Jekyll when he is at school, but Mr. Hyde at home. I bet many of you are laughing or at least smiling right now, but it's true. He is totally different in almost every situation.

When we had him diagnosed in June of 2010 my wife and I had been separated for seven months. I would get the boys every other weekend, and things were different when I had them, so different in fact that when we went to the big guys’ assessment the doctors gave me a separate assessment sheet to fill out. One of the things my wife said he did when he was with her was bang his head on things when he didn't get what he wanted, he tried it once with me, and I told him no, sent him to his room, and then went and talked to him after about 5 minutes, which is lifetime to a child, and he never tried doing that again with me.

Another way he was different at my house is he would sit at the table and try to eat his dinner, lunch, or breakfast with utensils, even though he had a hard time. He would always have the same bedtime while at my house, 8 o'clock, and he would be asleep in ten minutes.

This is totally opposite from being at moms. At mom's house, he would hit his head on the floor or wall when he didn't get what he wanted, dinner time was usually a finger food affair, if he ate, and bet time was a long drawn out ordeal that would last from 8 pm to sometimes 10 pm or later most nights.

This is not the only times he acts differently. He acts differently at a restaurant than at home, and differently at different restaurants. He acts differently at Nana's house than at home with mom, different at school and home, different with each of the therapy people he sees during a given week (though he really loves his speech lady).

So this brings me to the meat of my post, how he is at home. 

I feel so badly for the little guy because he takes the brunt of the Mr. Hyde attacks, and I think I know why. For the longest time, everything was his, his TV, his toys, his mommy, his daddy, his everything. Then mom went away for a week (the little guy was premature and spent a week in the N.I.C.U.) and came back and had something else that would scream for her attention. 

Mr. Hyde is so viscous with the little guy. Just last night he slammed him into the bed room door, smacked him in the face, scratched him on his back, and hit him on his back. All because he wanted to watch what he wanted on mom's computer. The only real way we have to control this is to keep them separate. Most of the time the big guy is in his room watching TV and eating his dinner. The little guy is usually in the living room watching TV there. We do other things, like go out in the back yard and play, or swim, go to the park, what have you, and in all these places the big guy acts differently. 

What we were told during his assessment in Dallas is that it is not at all uncommon for a child with autism to act completely differently in any setting, to the point that parents wonder if the child has split personality or something. We know he doesn't have split personality, we know he's the same big guy no matter who is around, where we are or what we are doing. 

This makes me think he's more real about things than us "normal" people are. When we go to work we act one way, we are different with different friends or family members, and when we are out in public we act self-consciously. Most of the time though, we don't show people that we don't like them, we act in a civil manner, and mumble as we walk away, so we really aren’t very truthful with others.

So we may be "normal" but he is truthful. We pretend most of our lives, while he will tell you exactly how it he feels about something. While this isn't particularly good in some cases, you'll never think he's lying to you, if he likes you, he will let you know, and if he doesn't..... Well, be ready for his Magneto claw. 

More on the iPad

I haven't posted in a few weeks, we have all been busy, the big guy especially, so I thought I'd post again about the iPad.

I talked before about game apps the big guy has played, and I'll talk more about them later because I think they help so much with fine motor control, but I really want to post about how he behaves with the iPad now.

The big guy has about 16 or 18 apps to help him learn. Apps matching sounds to letters and letters to letters, apps tracing letters, color matching apps and apps for communication. All of them are very helpful and easy for him to use because the objects on them are nice and big. Here's the thing though, he plays what he wants, and we cannot force him to do anything he doesn't want to do because he knows exactly how to control this amazing device.

You should see when he first gets it, it’s totally cute. He knows the pass code to unlock the iPad, we don't have to open it for him, and if the little guy wants to play we have to unlock it. When he opens it, he says the code while he's typing it in, and it is awesome to hear him say the numbers because he says them so cute. When we sent him to school with the iPad his teacher sent mom a text asking her for the pass code to unlock the iPad. It was funny because mom didn't tell her the code; she sent a text back to the effect of "did you ask him? He knows what it is" and his teacher sent one back along the lines of "we didn't even think of that". Needless to say, he taught someone something that day.

Most days when he gets home he will get the iPad, and he decides what he wants to do. Some days he plays Where's my Water, other days he wants to play Plants vs. Zombies, but other days he will play an app about numbers. This app, I'm sorry but I don't remember the name of it, is all about putting an item in the right place. The app gives the option of using shapes, numbers letters and a few other items I can't remember. I have tried to have him use some of the other items, but he likes the numbers for some reason. The numbers are moved along on a little train on the screen, and one of the numbers is missing. At the bottom of the screen he is given an option of three different numbers to fit in the spot. He always gets it right, and that's awesome.

The iPad

A little while ago we got the big guy a New iPad, all I can really say is, AWESOME.

I know some people will look at something like an iPad as just a gaming device, or something to surf the web and check their email, and they are right, for the most part, but there's more. Many apps have been made for the iPad for teaching, communication, and to help increase fine motor control.

To be honest, the first app he fell in love with was Talking Tom Cat 2. This is a freemium app, where the app is free and fully functional, but extra content and functionality are unlocked with an in app purchase, so you don't pay for the app, but you pay for the extras. I'm sure everyone who reads this knows of apps like this, and probably has a few on their own phone.

Anyway....... so this Talking Tom Cat 2, all it does is record what you say, or sounds it hears, and repeats this with in a funny voice. This thing annoys the crap out of me, I cannot stand hearing everything I say, or what other people say, repeated right afterwards, but he LOVES the thing.

It was so cute the first night he had the thing because he was laying on the couch, had the app going, the iPad laying on the couch next to him, and his arm wrapped around it like it was his best friend. Everything he said, it said, so when he was happy with something, so was his friend, and when he was sad about something, so was his friend. It was like watching someone with his best friend, and they agreed on everything. This is just amazing, I mean, just think about it, he has finally found someone who understands him and not only that, this same someone TOTALLY agrees with him, no matter what. Gotta love it.

Another app that I love playing, and the big guy and the little guy love as well is Where's My Water. The boys just love this app, mom and I do also, but there is an underlying reason I love watching them play this app. The fine motor control needed to play the game.

 The whole basis of the game is to get water to an alligator who wants to take a bath. The challenge is doing this through multiple obstacles while also getting the little yellow duckies and finding little objects buried in the dirt around the levels. If you haven't played this game, check out this video.

I have let the little guy and the big guy play the game on my phone, but I haven't played the version they have on the iPad, and to my knowledge mom hasn't ether, and they have gotten to the second or third act on the game. This is a four year old and a five and a half year old, and to be honest, some of the levels are not easy. I have had to sit and think about how to get everything to work correctly so I get all the water to the alligator. I have also Tri-Ducked each act, but I don't expect them to do that.

Just think of that though, when you play some of the levels, very precise controls are needed to get things to go the way they need to complete the levels. I have paged through what they have played, and I just blown away how well they are getting through the game. I know the little guy gets really into it, he almost does the Schroeder thing where he sticks his tongue out while trying to do something, which is cool and cute, but I'm totally fascinated when I watch the big guy play the game. His movements don't seem like they will clear the dirt correctly, or at the right time to get through the level, but then they do, it's weird. When I see he's using his index finger to get things done it makes me very happy as well, because of his fine motor control issues he often uses his thumb the way we would use our index finger, so to see him using his finger in this way shows me he is gaining more control over his body.

I have much more to say about the iPad, but I will keep this post short so as not to bore you.

If you have a child with autism, or even just motor control issues, get them an iPad, it will help, even if they are just playing games, just remember there are other apps for learning and teaching, and I'll talk about them later.

Fine Motor Control

One of the things we adults take for granted is our ability to manipulate small items with awesome dexterity. We only start seeing our ability to function in this way decline as we reach an older age, some people it's about 45 or so, some people it's not until he or she is in her 60's.

When were young, like 20's and 30's, we have no clue how important this is for everyday life. Another time we don't realize how important these motor skills are is when we are really young, like when we are 6 and 8 years old.

So this brings me to the meat of my post, occupational therapy.

I've gone over the different types of therapy the big guy does during the week, ABA, Speech, and occupational therapy, but have I think I've really only talked about the first two, not the last one. The first one helps him to behave a certain way, or as closely as he can to "normal" people (who still won’t push in their own chair when leaving the table), The second one does and will help him communicate with those "normal" non-pushing in chair people who, for some reason think he's weird when they are the ones think their social status is determined by the clothes they wear, or cars they drive. The third will help him live, and I'll explain why.

Have you ever been hungry? I know, you’re probably looking down at your belly and thinking "well, yeah, duh" but what I mean is, have you ever been HUNGRY. Every one of us has a refrigerator in our home that is stuffed full of things we might want to eat, did eat and didn't finish, or can eat if we wanted, but the big guy looks at the same fridge and only sees a few things he CAN eat.

I don't say "can" because he has allergies to food, because we haven't seen any yet, I say "can" because he has a hard time just getting the food to his mouth. We, as "normal" people find eating an easy, quick, and something we never really think about, but I'm sure it's a chore for him. Let’s take mac and cheese as an example, he can eat it, and he loves it....if it’s in a bowl with a spoon. I cannot put this item on a plate and give him a fork. I have before, but I will end up having to help him get a good mouth full, but I won’t have to do as much for the little guy, and he's only a little older than 4.

I can see when the big guy is hungry, and I mean that real hungry when you just need to get something in your stomach, and though you know you’re not going to die; you just have to get something in there to stop the feeling. When I see him like this, something like mac and cheese on a plate with a fork will not do, it has to be something he can get to his mouth and something he can easily eat. So a hot dog, a corn dog, and pudding cup, or a bowl of cereal, but never something difficult for him to manipulate.

This is why occupational therapy is so important.

He hasn't had occupational therapy for a while, but he has been approved to start anew. So soon he will have to make room in his busy schedule for another person to come and help him advance his skills. I can't wait to see how far he goes with this, and I really hope he likes the lady then send (kind of funny, they all seem to be lady's) because he wasn't too thrilled about the first lady he had. He did well with her, but nothing like his speech lady, and many times the whole family would have to participate in his occupational therapy for him to complete the action, I think he didn't see a point in the stuff otherwise.

I can only hope things will go smoothly... we shall see.

The Climber

One thing many people don't understand about autism is the way things affect a person with autism.

Sounds, sights, taste, touch, smells..... Almost everything, even the temperature of a room changes the way a person with autism will behave. Even the colors of the walls of a room have an effect an autistic person’s behavior. Just a few months ago I read about a presentation of The Lion King on Broadway that was changed to be autism friendly. I was really excited about this, though I know I won’t see anything like that near me for quite some time. The reason I was excited about this production, and why it is so important, is people other than parents are starting to take into account how exposure to sensory stimulus we think is normal, can really drive an autistic up the walls.... literally.

The big guy deals with sensory problems in his own way. Some of them are funny, like when a song is playing on the radio or the TV, he gets really mad if you sing along. He got so mad at me the other day when I was singing one of the songs from the fresh beat band commercial on TV. At first he screamed at me, and then he ran off to his room, and slammed the door. I know I'm going to get comments about how my singing is so bad it makes children run and cry, but I don't think that's it. I think it’s from sensory problems; maybe not that it hurts his ears or anything, but that it makes him confused to hear the same thing coming from two different locations. I think it confuses him, but much more than you or I have ever been confused before in our life. That's got to be hard on him.

One of the things he does that is very cute is when he gets excited about a TV show. First I must set the stage for you, he is naked (because his just is when he's at home), he is right next to the TV, and he starts doing this shaking thing, and his butt cheeks just juggle. As a parent, that's just the funniest thing in the world, and the more excited he gets, the more he jiggles. I think it has to do with the level of excitement, he really cannot contain himself.

Then one of the weird things he does, he climbs on the couch. Not only does he climb on the couch, he goes all over the furniture, and this isn't something I can stop. I know many parents of "normal" children would say "well, a swift kick in the butt will stop that" and I may for their children, but it's not the same for parents of autistic children, and I want my children to love me, not fear me like a dictator. So what the big guy does, he topples over the recliner, and I think a few of you have seen that on my facebook page. If not, to explain, he stands up in the seat, his back to the back of the recliner, and rocks it until it fall backwards, and he rides it all the way down. It’s a fun game for him, and then he will stand up on the foot rest, which is now up in the air, and proceed to climb all over everything but the coffee table.

He always starts at the chair, and makes his way around to the end table, over to the couch, onto the other end table, and ends at the love seat. If you happen to be standing by the love seat, you giving someone a piggyback ride, if you wanted to or not. I don't think this is the same kind of excitement he has with other TV shows, and he mostly does this with action oriented TV show. I think with action shows, he has this need to physically move around, not run, but other stuff. I think he has to let this energy out in some way, and I think this is why he HAS to climb. It’s like when you go to a club and hear a song you have not heard in years, and you just really want to get on out there and dance, you just got to move!!! Well, I think that's how it is for the big guy, he gets this energy inside, and his body is telling him the only way he can get it out without exploding is to climb, move, jump, and topple the recliner.

So from all of that, you must know, the furniture is in a sad state of repair, I think we may have to put it out to pasture, its paid its dues and then some.

Hesitation

My son has trouble communicating, and so he has trouble telling us when he is mad, sleepy, sad, hungry, and many other things.

When he gets mad he will try to hurt you in any way possible. Some time he will hit, sometimes he will pinch, the worst one is when he bites.

He has bitten me on the shoulder before, I can't even remember why, but he drew blood, broke the skin and I still have a small mark in the shape of a tooth. He doesn't just try to bite me, on occasion he will go after the little guy, or rarely mom, but when he decides to go after you anything is free game.

This brings me to my point.

About a week and a half ago we all went to the store for stuff for dinner, salad stuff or something, I can't remember what now. Everything was good, as usual when I take the big guy to the store, until we were about to leave, that's when he gets mad. He wants to go to the toys, but we don't have the time or money for that, and on comes the meltdown.

So being the best dad I can be I offer to take him out to mom's car so he can have his meltdown in private, away from the unintelligent stares of the heard of wild and uneducated Wal-Mart hicks, who's first response would be "Tan his backside, it'll do'em som gud!!".

While I was walking out, holding him close to my chest in like a bear hug type thing, he was screaming, hitting me, trying to pinch me, and then his mouth found my cheek. Yup my son bit me in the face, and I was happy about it.

I know that sounds horrible, but keep reading, it's actually awesome.

My son had a good section of my cheek in between his teeth, and one good chomp would have created a hole in my cheek and probably would have let everyone see my teeth. That didn't happen though. He was mad, kicking and screaming, with my cheek in his mouth...... but I FELT him hesitate. He did bite me, but it was as if he understood that idea that if he were to chomp down with all his might he would have hurt me very very bad.

I was ecstatic, this is an abstract thought, or I think it is, where he put together an idea (biting me) with a possible outcome (a giant hole in my face) and decided against it. Usually his idea, as far as I see them, are only cause and effect, turn on a switch and the light comes on, open the fridge and food is inside. If the power is out he doesn't understand that turning on a switch will not make the light come on.

Now I don't have any other reason to believe he strung together the abstract thoughts like that other than the hesitation I felt in him when he bit my cheek, but I want to believe it is true because that open so many possibilities. He may start getting the idea that a kite won’t fly without wind, or that momma can't come home right now because she's still working, and this may very well help him to not get as angry about things. I don't know, but I can always hope.....

More able, not disabled.

You know, my son cannot lie.

I cannot think of any time where I have found the he has lied. I don't think this is a concept that he understands. He will tell you exactly how he feels, if he's mad, or sad, and even when he's sick, though sometimes I don't think he knows every time he is sick. He won’t hide the fact that he got something from the fridge and he will do when he gets hungry. He will get me or mom when it’s something he can't reach, like on a high shelf, or when it's something he can't open, like Vienna sausages.

The big guy won’t take a toy from the little guy and say he was playing with it first; he just doesn't want the little guy to play with it. If he does not like you, you will know this. He will not sugar coat anything. If he is mad at you, and he has gotten very mad at me before, you will know this. If he does not like what is on TV, he will change the DVD, though he may ask you to get him the one he wants, he usually just does it himself.

The big guy won’t even pretend to like you, and this kind of brings me to a point, how do you act in your daily life?

I know people I do not like, but I must deal with them on an almost daily basis, but I must be civil and that basically means I have to lie to these people to their faces. On occasion I am asked by others if I'm OK, and my response is usually just the word fine, though I may be sick, depressed about something, mad, or any number of feelings. At times I have said things to a person, and it may have not been the whole truth, or a flat out lie. We all know we act like this, and many times we justify these actions.

We tell ourselves we are being civil when we "pretend" when dealing with people we don't like. We will flat out lie to others when things bother us, like our health or feelings, because we don't want to "bother" anyone with our troubles.

It just makes me think, my son is the least disabled person I know. In fact, he's more able, in fact I think of him as more able. He's more able to tell people the truth than anyone else I know. He is more able to connect with his real feelings about people and situations than others. He's more able to know when his body is craving food, and thus take care of that than many of us. He is more able to laugh out of total enjoyment than any of us.

Just think about the next time you are asked a question and the question requires an honest response. Are we disabled by our justifications?

My reaction

When my son was diagnosed with autism I was happy.

I was not devastated, hurt, angry, mad, or discouraged. I was relieved, happy, hopeful, and it was an all-around good thing.

After the diagnosis I updated my status on Facebook, and the first 4 responses from friends were of condolences. I was kind of taken back, most everyone I knew looked at it as a bad thing. I guess it has to do with perspective, and apparently my perspective was much more positive than others.

You see, the way I look at it must have been different than everyone else. I saw the diagnosis as clarity, focus, an explanation, and basically relief.

I never look at my son as having a disability. Sure, the state see him as having a disability, and maybe the school and all his different therapists also look at my son as having a disability, but I just look at him as being....him. If my son woke up tomorrow and no longer had autism, I wouldn't know who he was, and I don't think he would know what to do with himself.

I do worry about how his life will turn out, and what will happen to him after my wife and I are gone. I am almost sure he will always live at home, and that's fine with me, he may not, you never know, we just have to see how it goes. I can only hope his brother will be there for him, but I don't worry about his daily life. Why should I, he doesn't, he just goes about his day.

Yeah I get frustrated and discouraged many days, and some days I get angry, like when he keeps attacking the little guy, but I will always love my son, and never think he's disabled.

Did I mention he bit me on the face today? Yeah, he gets angry and sometimes his only outlet is to bite me. I did not hit him, smack him, or yell at him, all I could do was keep holding him close to me and walk to the car. He was mad, but I love him, he's my son.

She Didn't Cry

I'm referring to when our son was diagnosed with autism. She was kind of happy, we both were. We finally had an idea about what was going on, and we were connected to services we could get for him, so his quality of life would improve.

My wife has taken the brunt of the whirlwind that happened after diagnosis. Enrolling the big guy in ABA, speech, and occupational therapy, setting the big guy up to go to school, and then running him around between everything he had to do during the day. She would wake up at 7 am, get him ready for school, whether he was grumpy or not, and get him there by 7:30, then take care of the little guy until it was time to get the big guy from school.

Then it was off to ABA therapy or speech and occupational therapy, or maybe it was a meeting with the lady from the office that helped coordinate things, or a WIC appointment. Then back home and time to rest, if he wasn't sick. One of the things that sucked about him going to school was the first year he was sick almost all the time. There were days she would drive 100 miles during one day, just to get him to his appointments, and still make time for the little guy.

Once the daily appointments were over and she was finally home, it was time to try to get fed and ready for bed, which was an ordeal, itself. Most nights she had to sit in the room with him, and keep having him lay down until he finally fell asleep. Then she might have some time to herself to watch a movie or play on the computer, but that wouldn't last long because she almost always fell asleep watching a movie, without taking her contacts out.

Honestly, she’s the strongest person I have met, and I don't mean just physically. I praise everything she does, and I don't see her braking down any time soon.

I know she worries about him, but I also know he gets on her nerves at times, but what kid doesn't. It has gotten easier, and she has had help from others over the years, but she is still the one doing more than anyone else. I wonder how she feels about things most times, if she feels overwhelmed, or stressed, most of the time when I ask her she won’t tell me, or she just says she’s "fine" and that things don't bother her, but I know she wants time alone, and I have given it to her on many occasions.

Sometimes on the weekend she's sent home from work early, because they don't have enough business, and it's not just her, many times everyone is sent home or put on an off the clock two hour break, but she doesn't come home for two reasons. One reason is she wants time alone, and I don't blame her because sometimes you just need to breathe. The other reason is if the big guy sees her, she wouldn't have the ability to leave again and go back to work, he would have a meltdown.

She’s a great woman, I wish you could see her smile, and hear her laugh. I love the fact the she can smile, can have a good time, and still laughs at things. She’s not devastated by the diagnosis, or hurt by it; she loves him with all her heart, and will do everything in her power to help him. I don't think any of us think of this as a bad thing, I think this has given us clarity and focus, her most of all.

It will get easier, especially when he starts talking and telling us his ideas, concerns and needs. It will also get easier as he gets older and no longer needs as much therapy, though I know he will miss the speech lady when she stops coming. I bet mom will even find that she has become bored when he’s more independent, by she will find something to fill the time, trust me.

I cannot see anyone doing better for him that she has, ever. She is the best, and I love her so much for that.

The Little Guy & Fears

I named this Blog Our Life of Autism because I didn't want to just talk about my son and his travels with autism, I also wanted to post about the effect it has on different members of the family. So with this post I will start with the youngest member of the family, and over the next few day work my way up.

I think the little guy does pretty well when it comes to his older brother’s autism, but I know it affects him. The little guy gets more pinches, smacks, and "magneto claws" than anyone else. The little guy will often get hit only because he is standing closer than the big guy, or maybe because he is smaller than mom and I.

I still think the little guy does great about dealing with his brothers autism, even though he is only three (almost four) years old. Sometimes he will egg the big guy one or we will have to tell the little guy to leave the room, or come over to one of us to leave the big guys alone. I have had to take the little guy out of the big guys’ room just to keep things sane. I know mom has had to do some of the same things.

The thing that worries me most is how the little guy will look at his brother when he gets older, and how their relationship will develop.

I have fears that the little guy will become resentful of his big brother because he is treated differently, even if he knows that his brother is different and sometimes the same rules won’t apply. I have a fear that the little guy will grow to hate his brother because of his meltdowns and attacks, and will then treat his brother worse during his adult life. I have a fear that the little guy will think his mother and I do not love him as much, because we don't make special dinners for him, or because his big brother receives a different type of treatment from us. I have a really huge fear that the little guy will treat his brother one way at home, in front of the family, and differently when they are in school.

I think the school thing would break my heart the most. I know when my brother and I were in school we were horrible to each other. I would hate to think of the little guy treating the big guy good at home, and then making fun of him at school in front of all his friends, just to look cool.

I know we can do our best to teach our son tolerance, acceptance, and respect for others, but.....honestly, are you absolutely sure you know how your kids act towards others at school when you’re not around, ESPECIALLY when they want to look cool?

I know the little guy is intelligent, and I know he gets what's going on; I just hope that he keeps that understanding. I know it's hard for him, especially when he wants to do something, and we can't because the big guy is having a meltdown, or when he wants to watch something but the big guy doesn't because it’s not trains.

I guess all I can do is the best I can do, and leave the rest up to God.

Pancakes!!!

So the big guy isn't really that thrilled about pancakes. Waffles he will eat, among other things, but he usually has nothing to do with pancakes.

Yesterday we had a family day out in Dallas. We went to the Dallas World Aquarium and had a blast. We also went to a mall and let momma do some window shopping while me and the guys sat and played in their little play area. The big guy also had a meltdown about a train he could ride that they had on the second floor, but it was all good. Anyway, on our way home we stopped at In-And-Out got some burgers and fries, and the big guy didn't want anything to eat. He only wanted his soda to drink, and that's ok, we can't make him hungry.

So the boys fell asleep on the way back home in the back seat. Mom and I had a nice drive back with good conversation keeping us company. So we got home about an hour later, and the boys woke up, well the big guy did anyway. So we put the little guy down, and let the big guys run around and watch TV with us. I fell asleep on the recliner for a quick 30 minutes nap, and at about 8 the little guy was back up, and we were trying to get the big guy down for the night, and that is hard sometimes.

Mom and I have wanted to watch the movie Temple Grandin for a while now, and we were going to sit and watch it that night, and trust me, if you haven't seen it, watch it. It is about someone with Autism, and how she went to college and.... well, it's good.

Well the big guy keeps coming out of his, different things each time, change my pull-up, start a movie for me, I need you to have this truck, you know, the normal stuff.

I know he didn't want to go to sleep because he had that nap on the car ride home, but then he has this "idea" and he's trying to get me to go into the kitchen for something. The reason I say "idea" is when he has something he wants one of us to do for him, and trying to be sneaky at the same time, he will do this thing to convey the idea that he has an "idea".

The best way to explain it is an old silent movie. When an actor in a silent movie is thinking, he strikes a certain pose; arms kind of crossed, and his right hand up at his chin, with his thumb on one side, and his index finger on the other. Once the actor figures out what "to do" ha has a "idea", and to show that he has an idea, the actor will make a kind of bouncing movement while at the same time his right hand will leave his chin, and his index finger will go up, like "Eureka!! I've got it" type thing. This gives you an idea about how he thinks; he has a visual representation in his mind to convey the fact that he has an idea.

So......anyway, back to the story...

So he has his idea, and wants me to go to the kitchen to make pancakes, and that's mom's department. So we get everything ready, heat up the griddle, mix the batter with water, get the plates ready....and cook pancakes at 10 o'clock at night. It was awesome, the whole family cooking pancakes in the kitchen, it was fun.

The reason I bring this up, even though we did so many other things that day, is because we had pancakes for dinner the night before, and he was adamant that he did not want any, and he usually does not eat pancakes.

We went back out into the living room, he ate two big pancakes, and sat with me and the little guy on the couch (mom was on the love seat, so I got all the loving) and we finished watching Temple Grandin, which he was totally enthralled with.

I'm not sure why he wanted pancakes, like I said he usually doesn't eat them, but that night he did want to eat them. He also gobbled them up like there was no tomorrow. I'm also pretty sure he will want them almost exclusively for a while because that's usually what he does with a type of food, he will stick to it and only eat that for a large period of time and it may be the only thing he wants to eat for a while, but that story is a whole post in and of its self.

School?

Yup, he loves it.

He loves his teacher, the helpers, and his friends at school. He has an inclusion class, which is where he goes to another class that is not for children with developmental disabilities, and we hear that he does just as good in that class as his normal class.

School has helped my son become more social, use words more often, improve at his fine motor skills and I'm sure many other things I'm just not thinking of right now. I told his teacher about this blog, and explained that it was about the whole family's experiences dealing with the big guy's autism. After a few days she had finally had a chance to take a look at it, and the next time I was able to talk to her about it, she was laughing.

She said "That's nothing like the kid we know" referencing the post I made about meltdowns. This is something I have heard from many people about children with autism; they are totally different in different situations.

The big guy acts differently with the speech lady than with me, and differently at school than at home, and differently with mom than everyone else. I kind of have an idea about why also.

When you or I go to a supermarket, we expect certain things like the grocery carts in a rack by the front door, the deli area in the back, one side of the store dedicated to fresh fruit and vegetables. When we go to a movie we expect certain things, to buy a ticket at one spot, and popcorn and drinks in another area, then the place we watch the movie in the back. We all expect things to be a certain way, even when they are a little different, they are similar enough we can adjust.

The big guy has to have things a certain way in all aspects of life, at home, school, and really everywhere. Changes are hard for him to deal with, unless change is a normal part of a setting. I know the school has a routine; the only difference is they will do different things during a day. So in a way, he has changes to deal with at school, but the "routine" is much the same. They have lunch and recess at a certain time and naptime is also at a certain time, the difference is what they do during the time in-between.

I think this is one of the reasons he loves school so much, he has a routine, but there are differences in what is done during the routine. The differences keep everything fresh and fun for him and I think this is why he loves school so much, that and his teacher.

String

People take many things for granted, and I think as we age we see less wonder in the world, like the magic is gone after we find Santa Clause isn't real, and we become jaded to the simple pleasures in life.

Like string.

Remember when you were a kid and some of the simple things you found around the house the most fun things to play with. An empty paper towel roll, a cardboard box, the laundry basket (with and without clothes in it), dad's shoes..... Mom’s shoes for that matter. All these things are so amazing as we are growing up, but we forget how much fun they are.

Well, the big guy has this thing from string. It's like the most awesome thing in the world to him. He can find a piece of string in the middle of a snow storm, and play with right up till the rescue party comes. You give him a string, and you give him the world. He has a fishing pole, a dog leash, or a whip. He will twirl it in the air, like it’s a flag, or set it down on the floor like it’s a worm.

He does this funny thing about anything that smells, he will sniff it, then wave his hand in front of his nose and say "eeeww", very cute.

The other day he had a string, where he found it I will never know, and he was running around with it. At some point I thought it would be funny to do the "stinky" thing to the string, so I had him come over to me, I smelled the string, waved my nose in front of my face, and said "eeeww" and he looked at me like I was crazy....then ran away using his string as a kite.

If only everyone were so easily able to have fun with such simple objects like that.....

Resolution

The title of this post has nothing to do with making a new year’s resolution, so don't think I'm about to talk about losing weight, eat better, or paint or something. I really want to explain to you about how the big guy needs resolution in things for everything to be OK.

I mostly want to talk about TV shows and movies because this is where I see, more often than not, how "into" something he can get. I think as he gets older the same thing will happen to him with video games or things at school, but for now I can really only comment on TV and movies.

I have sat and watched a number of different cartoons and movies with him, and I am so amazed how involved he becomes with the story. He gets so involved you can see it in his eyes, body language, and the way he acts towards everyone else in the family. As an example, a few weeks ago we first watched the movie Zathura, which is a really awesome movie and if you haven't seen it do so. The story is about three kids visiting their dad on his designated weekend, and how dysfunctional the family is, but not all scary psycho like, just how self-absorbed they all are mostly due to the situation.

So the two main characters, two small kids aged five and somewhere around eight or ten, find a board game in the basement that turns out to be much more than just a game.

At one point the house is out in space and about to be boarded by Zorgons (ether watch the movie or read the plot on Wikipedia and you'll get it) a huge lizard like race. The first time I watched this with him (and the little guy) he was very stressed out, he had his hands to his ears, hiding behind the recliner, and now and then he would jump up and down or stomp.

Now the big guy would not be able to leave the movie at that point. It's not very scary, but just enough scary, but he cannot leave or stop watching the movie, he must have a resolution.

There is also a robot scene in the movie where he does much the same thing, and once again, he needs the resolution. Later in the movie he does get resolution, on both issues, but I cannot stop the movie, or it will be a very bad thing.

He will get mad and have a fit, attack, tell me "no", or even have a meltdown, so we must make a decision before he watches something whether or not it is something suitable for him because he mimics what he sees in a movie. So he cannot watch something like Reel Steel because it is about boxing, and he will hit. He will hit the little guy, mom, the dog or I, because he thinks it is OK to do things like that. I'll make a whole post about mimicking later, but for now just know he must have resolution in something he watches.

So we must be careful when he watches things, because he must have resolution. We can't put a two hour movie on 20 minutes before he goes to bed, or he will have a huge problem if we turn it off. He won’t have a problem with the fact that it is bedtime, but because he has to see what happens next, he must know that the Smurfs will get home.

 So all I have to say is... thank GOD for commercials. Commercials allow us to turn the TV off so we can get him ready for bed, and because it is a commercial, it's no big deal, the resolution happens very quickly, and many times he doesn't pay attention to commercials. I don't know if other children with autism are like this, but with the little guy, we can turn anything off at any time and it isn't as big a deal. The little guy may get mad and cry, but he won’t have as much of a problem with it as the big guy.

Meltdowns

I want you to understand what I mean by a meltdown before I get into what I have to say about them.

Most children will throw a fit, pout; test his or her parents to see how far they will have to go to get what they want. Autistic children are a bit different, and the type of behavior they exhibit is what we parents of autistics call meltdowns.

One of the main differences is the severity, and length of time a meltdown can take, though it does not stop there. Autistic children (at least in my experience) really do throw a fit. They will scratch, scream, kick, attack (you think I'm joking about that, but I'm not) and nothing in the world, and I do mean nothing; will make things better, or even just OK.

Now I know what you’re thinking, your saying to yourself "well, my kid does all of those things", and this may very well be true, but if you leave the room I will bet you five bucks (not the animal) that your child will calm somewhat, maybe even forget why he or she is mad, or even settle down and go on to something else, but the big guy wont.

A meltdown can last from a few minutes all the way up to three hours or more, and again, there is nothing you can do to change this. You may think I'm joking about the time-frame, but I'm really not, the big guy had a meltdown today that lasted from about two forty-five till about four thirty. Even after he had calmed down a bit he would still rear up and attack the little guy, mom or myself. Happily he didn't go after the dog, though he has on occasion.

Another aspect of a meltdown that is different than other children you cannot appease the demon once it has reared its head. Things like ice cream can snap a normal child out of it, or his or her favorite toy, maybe even a cartoon or a "go outside and play" will appease an angry kid, and this is not true with autism. Nothing works, we just have to let him get it out and wait for him to calm down. This is what we did today.

Mom got off of work early because it was a very slow day, and the big guy, little guy, and I were at her place of business when this happened. So mom and I asked them what they wanted to do, so the little guy said he wanted to go to McD's. This is something we do often, but not for the reasons you may think, we mostly go for the play place, many times, we might not even order anything, we just let them run and play. This is really helpful when the weather is bad out because the playground is enclosed, and we can easily watch the doors.

So we started to head on over, and that's when it started. The little guy's birthday is coming up, and mom had a few toys in the back of her truck for his birthday. At some point the big guy had seen them, maybe when he was going to school in the morning, or the day before, that's not the point, the point is he knew the toys were back there. I know he knew beforehand because he went straight to her tailgate and tried to get me to open it. I just said "no, we got to get going" and went to put him in his car seat. Well he squirmed over the back seat to get to the toys, and when I grabbed him to put him in his seat, he started.

He told me "no" and started scratching, kicking, screaming and crying, doing anything he could to get the toys. We got to where we were going, and when he got out of the car he did not care where we were, he just went straight to the back of the truck to get the toys. When we told him "no" he sat down in the parking lot and proceeded to scream. To make a very long story short, we never even made it inside, and this really made the little guy upset because he really wanted to go inside and play.

Well, what we did do is go home and just let him work it out, but the little guy was also super mad, so now we have two really crappy kids who do not want to do anything. Once at home nothing would make the big guy happy at all, and even asking him things would just piss him off more. We would ask him if he wanted to watch this or that, or do this or that, and the answer was a "no", but it was also accompanied by a slap, pinch, scratch, or this claw thing he makes with his hand while he points it at you, like he is going to do some Magneto powers on you or something. He did eventually calm down, about four thirty, and then things we OK again.

Meltdowns are a normal part of life for someone with autism, and the people who live with them or care for them. A meltdown is not something that is easy to deal with or even prevent. One of the hardest parts about a meltdown is you never know when this may happen, or what will trigger it. Learning to deal with the meltdowns and mitigate the damages is really our only option most of the time because nothing will quell the beast. I have heard that meltdowns get worse as a person with autism ages, but then after a point they get better, or even go away. I really hope, for everyone’s sake, that they do not get worse and only get better.

So please, if you see someone with a younger child totally freaking out don't just think they are bad parents, try to take a different perspective, that child may have Autism. When we were at McD's, I had about four people stare at me, and him, and I just wanted to punch them, or tell them to mind their own business, I so dislike when people ASSume things when they are uninformed.

Speech Lady

One of the hardest things about autism, and I think this causes more problems than anything else, is my sons speech capabilities.

The way the big guy talks, when he does use words, is he mostly uses the middle of the word, not the beginning or the end of the word. So when he would say the word five, it would come out as "iv", kind of like the word eye with a V at the end. So you get the idea about how he forms his words.

We have had him in speech therapy since about August of 2010, and let me tell you about the changes. First let me back up a bit and explain the way he was before speech therapy. He didn’t say anything, really, nothing at all. His vocalizations up to that point we grunts, scream, and cries, but not words. Up till the age of four years mom had heard him say only one word, "no", and I had only heard him say one word, "mom". So this was the extent of his vocabulary, and after we heard him say those words, we did not hear them again for what seemed like an eternity.

Now it is much better, totally different, and very cute at times. Now he says things like "momma" for mom, "nanah" for nana/grandma, "dahdee" for daddy, he says many other things now, like whoa, and yes, and uhuh, and then the ultimate "NO". He seems to favor "NO" above all else. This is the beginning of his verbal communication to us, and the outside world, and it has become a huge help. The reason he has progressed so far is because of speech therapy, and I'm sure his growing up and going to school has much to do with it.

The one thing that has done the best for him is his speech therapist, ha has been seeing her since he started speech therapy, and he loves her like crazy (though I think it because she has blond hair). He first started going to place that was really cool, I saw was because it's closed now, but the place was awesome. He had speech therapy there, and occupational therapy there, and they had all these cool toys he could play with.

Anyway, to make a long story short, the place closed down very abruptly, and he did not have almost any kind of therapy for a while. He still went to another place for his ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis) therapy, but he didn't have speech therapy for a long time, and it showed in the way he would talk to us. So the lady that worked at his old therapy place was able to set it up to where she would come to the house and do his therapy in-house, which he totally dug on. The first day I don't think he got anything done because he was showing her his room and all his toys.

The whole reason I bring all this up is his speech therapist was over yesterday, and his ABA therapist came by today. What his speech therapist said was he was adding more beginning sounds to words, and more ending sounds to words, though he wanted to add more of the beginning sounds rather than the ending sounds. It was also cute because she had him say "My Bear", and it's always awesome when he put TWO words together, and he said it so cute as well. I just love hearing his little voice. When I was leaving today he was doing the ABA therapy, and he was doing some counting, I wasn't really listening, but I heard him around 5, and listened as he continued to 9. Now, it was mostly just the middle of the word, but the important thing is he got them in order, and he knows the basis for the words. I just kind of paused at the door while he was counting, it was so cool. And I have the speech therapist to thank for this, well, all of them really, but the speech therapist has been with him the longest.

Truthfully, anyone with a child with autism, or even any other speech problems, can truly benefit from therapy. It totally works, and I really think it works best when the therapist does not change for a long amount of time. I have seen the big guy go from one occupational therapist to another; mostly because of they were under contract for a short period of time, so he never got the same kind of connection to his speech lady. Some of the OP therapists he has hated, and others he has been OK with. He also he may have had some bad days with his speech lady, but he has had way more good days with her as well.

I honestly think if she had not cared so much for the big guy, he would not have come as far as he has. So, thank you speech lady, you know who you are.

The Soda Thief

I know many parents are all about not giving their children soda, they are all about juice, milk, water, anything but soda and that's fine, everyone chooses to raise their own children differently. Well, with the big guy, we have to watch what we drink just as much as we watch what we give him to drink. Because he is a soda thief.


This really isn't just about soda, he will grab most anything he decides to steal, pudding, soda, a juice box, a hot dog, or even the food right off your plate, though that is rare. Come to think of it, he has stolen my coffee on occasion and I just have to laugh at that.


The big guy is sometimes sneaky about it, but most of the time it is an overt action right in front of your face. Just tonight, while we were watching a movie, and he was supposed to be in bed, he decided to come out, use his big "puppy dog" eyes, and sooth us into a false sense of security, and swipe moms milk right in front of us. Yeah she caught him, and promptly got a cup and gave him the rest of the small jug thing, but he is so sneaky about stuff. We can go into his room and find empty soda cans, pudding containers, and just about anything else he feels he can liberate from the fridge or pantry. It really is like having a five year old going on seventeen. 


It's not that we don't feed him, we do, but he is a grazer, so all day long he's getting a little of this and a little of that. The funny part is, mom or I will think the other gave him what he has, and many times we find out later we didn't. He will just go into the fridge and get what looks most appealing. Most of the time it's junk food, but honestly, it is once again an abstract thing to try and convey to him. I know my mom will get on to me about this post, but oh well. We can try and have him eat the things we eat for dinner, but most of the time he is just not going to have it. The bad part is, he can't tell us what he does want for dinner, we can just make suggestions, and if he says yeah, we can go with it. 


Sometimes he want's cereal for dinner, but without milk, other times he wants cereal with milk, sometimes he just wants a couple of hot dogs for dinner, and other times he will eat mac and cheese and hot dogs for dinner. A while ago I baked a duck for the first time, and he totally loved that, and some times he is all about my spaghetti, you just never can tell with this kid. 


I just find it hilarious that we can go into his room on random occasions and find all this stuff he has pilfered from the kitchen, even on days he has had me make him things, he goes for more and seems to get around us like a teenager. I'm just now thinking of how it will be when he does become a teenager......god help me.