Meltdowns

I want you to understand what I mean by a meltdown before I get into what I have to say about them.

Most children will throw a fit, pout; test his or her parents to see how far they will have to go to get what they want. Autistic children are a bit different, and the type of behavior they exhibit is what we parents of autistics call meltdowns.

One of the main differences is the severity, and length of time a meltdown can take, though it does not stop there. Autistic children (at least in my experience) really do throw a fit. They will scratch, scream, kick, attack (you think I'm joking about that, but I'm not) and nothing in the world, and I do mean nothing; will make things better, or even just OK.

Now I know what you’re thinking, your saying to yourself "well, my kid does all of those things", and this may very well be true, but if you leave the room I will bet you five bucks (not the animal) that your child will calm somewhat, maybe even forget why he or she is mad, or even settle down and go on to something else, but the big guy wont.

A meltdown can last from a few minutes all the way up to three hours or more, and again, there is nothing you can do to change this. You may think I'm joking about the time-frame, but I'm really not, the big guy had a meltdown today that lasted from about two forty-five till about four thirty. Even after he had calmed down a bit he would still rear up and attack the little guy, mom or myself. Happily he didn't go after the dog, though he has on occasion.

Another aspect of a meltdown that is different than other children you cannot appease the demon once it has reared its head. Things like ice cream can snap a normal child out of it, or his or her favorite toy, maybe even a cartoon or a "go outside and play" will appease an angry kid, and this is not true with autism. Nothing works, we just have to let him get it out and wait for him to calm down. This is what we did today.

Mom got off of work early because it was a very slow day, and the big guy, little guy, and I were at her place of business when this happened. So mom and I asked them what they wanted to do, so the little guy said he wanted to go to McD's. This is something we do often, but not for the reasons you may think, we mostly go for the play place, many times, we might not even order anything, we just let them run and play. This is really helpful when the weather is bad out because the playground is enclosed, and we can easily watch the doors.

So we started to head on over, and that's when it started. The little guy's birthday is coming up, and mom had a few toys in the back of her truck for his birthday. At some point the big guy had seen them, maybe when he was going to school in the morning, or the day before, that's not the point, the point is he knew the toys were back there. I know he knew beforehand because he went straight to her tailgate and tried to get me to open it. I just said "no, we got to get going" and went to put him in his car seat. Well he squirmed over the back seat to get to the toys, and when I grabbed him to put him in his seat, he started.

He told me "no" and started scratching, kicking, screaming and crying, doing anything he could to get the toys. We got to where we were going, and when he got out of the car he did not care where we were, he just went straight to the back of the truck to get the toys. When we told him "no" he sat down in the parking lot and proceeded to scream. To make a very long story short, we never even made it inside, and this really made the little guy upset because he really wanted to go inside and play.

Well, what we did do is go home and just let him work it out, but the little guy was also super mad, so now we have two really crappy kids who do not want to do anything. Once at home nothing would make the big guy happy at all, and even asking him things would just piss him off more. We would ask him if he wanted to watch this or that, or do this or that, and the answer was a "no", but it was also accompanied by a slap, pinch, scratch, or this claw thing he makes with his hand while he points it at you, like he is going to do some Magneto powers on you or something. He did eventually calm down, about four thirty, and then things we OK again.

Meltdowns are a normal part of life for someone with autism, and the people who live with them or care for them. A meltdown is not something that is easy to deal with or even prevent. One of the hardest parts about a meltdown is you never know when this may happen, or what will trigger it. Learning to deal with the meltdowns and mitigate the damages is really our only option most of the time because nothing will quell the beast. I have heard that meltdowns get worse as a person with autism ages, but then after a point they get better, or even go away. I really hope, for everyone’s sake, that they do not get worse and only get better.

So please, if you see someone with a younger child totally freaking out don't just think they are bad parents, try to take a different perspective, that child may have Autism. When we were at McD's, I had about four people stare at me, and him, and I just wanted to punch them, or tell them to mind their own business, I so dislike when people ASSume things when they are uninformed.