The Little Guy & Fears

I named this Blog Our Life of Autism because I didn't want to just talk about my son and his travels with autism, I also wanted to post about the effect it has on different members of the family. So with this post I will start with the youngest member of the family, and over the next few day work my way up.

I think the little guy does pretty well when it comes to his older brother’s autism, but I know it affects him. The little guy gets more pinches, smacks, and "magneto claws" than anyone else. The little guy will often get hit only because he is standing closer than the big guy, or maybe because he is smaller than mom and I.

I still think the little guy does great about dealing with his brothers autism, even though he is only three (almost four) years old. Sometimes he will egg the big guy one or we will have to tell the little guy to leave the room, or come over to one of us to leave the big guys alone. I have had to take the little guy out of the big guys’ room just to keep things sane. I know mom has had to do some of the same things.

The thing that worries me most is how the little guy will look at his brother when he gets older, and how their relationship will develop.

I have fears that the little guy will become resentful of his big brother because he is treated differently, even if he knows that his brother is different and sometimes the same rules won’t apply. I have a fear that the little guy will grow to hate his brother because of his meltdowns and attacks, and will then treat his brother worse during his adult life. I have a fear that the little guy will think his mother and I do not love him as much, because we don't make special dinners for him, or because his big brother receives a different type of treatment from us. I have a really huge fear that the little guy will treat his brother one way at home, in front of the family, and differently when they are in school.

I think the school thing would break my heart the most. I know when my brother and I were in school we were horrible to each other. I would hate to think of the little guy treating the big guy good at home, and then making fun of him at school in front of all his friends, just to look cool.

I know we can do our best to teach our son tolerance, acceptance, and respect for others, but.....honestly, are you absolutely sure you know how your kids act towards others at school when you’re not around, ESPECIALLY when they want to look cool?

I know the little guy is intelligent, and I know he gets what's going on; I just hope that he keeps that understanding. I know it's hard for him, especially when he wants to do something, and we can't because the big guy is having a meltdown, or when he wants to watch something but the big guy doesn't because it’s not trains.

I guess all I can do is the best I can do, and leave the rest up to God.