Fathers day.

It's father’s day, and he doesn't know.

The big guy knows about birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Halloween, and other holidays, but I don't think he has a concept of time like we do. I know he loves his birthday, just like any kid his age, but I don't think he understands it's exactly a year after the last one. When the little guy has his birthday we have to explain to him that the presents are not his, he just wants to open them.

I understand he does not get yearly celebrations like that. Don't get me wrong, he knows his birthday is coming up, we tell him, but in February I don't think he's looking forward to August when he can open his presents. I also know he knows when Easter or Christmas is on its way, but little things like father’s day, I think are just another day for him.

What makes it an awesome day for me, when I walk through the door and he runs at me, arms open, screaming "Dahdee" and gives me a big hug. I love him so much, and to see him spontaneously act like that is the best gift any father can have, period. 

He can make macaroni pictures, hand print clay things, or draw bunches of different colored circles on a paper for me, and those are really cool treasures, but the best is the early morning hug, like I've been gone for a year. 

I never want him gone from my life. I always want to see his happy. I don't want to hurt him, though I sometimes have to make him mad for his own good. I love the life in his eyes, and the way sitting on the couch watching SpongeBob is the best time ever. This also goes for the little guy.

They are my stars, and I don't want them to burn out. It wouldn't be much of a father’s day without them. 

Who's your star on this father’s day?

Video games are fun.

He plays video games on his iPad, mom and my computer, and on the Wii, and sometimes he can't do what he wants. When that happens, he asks me, which makes me feel awesome. The main problem is he cannot manipulate things the way he wants, and it’s not on every video game, just a few. He sometimes gets mad when I do help him, because he does not know that the things I'm doing in the game will achieve the desired result. I try to explain to him I'm doing what he wants, but this is the worst barrier, because it's hard for him to understand I'm trying to do what he is asking of me.

Earlier today (Sunday) he was playing on my computer some nick jr games, when he found another game on my computer, and he started watching the movies for the game. He was totally enthralled with them, so I asked him if he wanted to play the game and he said "yesh". It was fun for him, he's seen me play the game before, and has always loved watching me play, so I let him go at it.

This game is an MMORPG, and so he can play with other people online at the same time, and my mom plays this game, so she got to play with him. He had a blast, the toon (that's what we call an in game character) he was playing has a motorcycle he likes to ride, so he was riding that around, and the same toon also has a helicopter, so he was flying that around. Then he got off the helicopter when he was flying really high, and fell to his death. So he comes and gets me so I can help him get back to the toon's body so he can revive and play more because he can't find it, but I can't find it ether because he landed on the side of a mountain and we couldn't get there as a ghost. To make a long story short I had to get someone to find the toon's corpse and resurrect him so he could keep playing.

After he was able to play again my mom had gotten on the game and they got to play together. He followed her around, and I told him it was grandma, and they had fun, she sat around and watched him playing with stuff, killing low level things, and interacting with the environment, it was cool. Then I guess he was getting frustrated with the game, so he grabbed me, pulled me to the computer, waved his hand at the computer, and said "bye". So I asked him if he was done playing, and he says "yesh", so I turned off the game. Then it was back to the nick jr games. He's just so capable in so many ways he amazes me, and I love to help him when he knows he can't do something.

I once heard a story a long time ago about a person's greatest strength, I know I'll butcher this story, but I will still try to get the idea across.

A father and son are driving down a country road, and they come across a small tree fallen across the road. The father and son get out and the son boasts proudly "it's not very big, I can move it myself". So the father lets the son try to move it, and the son can pick up on end, but can do little more than that. So the son puts the tree back down, and walks back over to his father dejected due to his failure. The father, still proud of his son's attempt, turns to the son and says "you did your best, but you forgot one tool you had available to you" and the son, a bit confused asked his father what tool that was. His father replies "me". His father goes on to explain "you may have had many tools available to you to move the tree yourself, but one of your most powerful tools is the ability to know when you need help, and ask for it, I was hoping you would ask for my help in moving the tree". So the son and father worked together and moved the small tree off the road, and continued on their way home. 

One of the reasons I love this story is because it reminds me of my son and I, he may be able to do some things, but he will need me for others. I love when he knows he needs me for some things, and he tells me. I don't find it a sign of weakness, I find it a strength to know when you need others and you cannot do something on your own. 

There are times he wants me to play the game for him, and I have no problem with that because I know one day he won’t need me to do that. I also love hen he asks me for anything really, it's a connection with him, a way for me to know he thinks about me. The reason why really doesn't matter to me because he may just need me because I'm tall, it's just the simple fact that I come to mind that I love. I know he won’t need me like that forever, and eventually he may just need me to be there, or he may need me to go away, but it feels so awesome right now and I love it. 

Do you feel the same when your child asks for something?

Bed time.

Everyone has a bad day every now and then. Some of us have bad days more than others, while some of us have good days more than others. I wonder some times how the big guy views his day, if he thinks they are good or bad, or just so so.

Sometimes the big guy thinks I'm mean when I say things like "it's time guys" which means it's bed time. At the same time, the little guy has also said I'm being mean when I say that. The big guy told me tonight (
Sunday the 10th ) "you mea daddy" when I said it was time.

Everyone has a bad day every now and then. Some of us have bad days more than others, while some of us have good days more than others. I wonder sometimes how the big guy views his day, if he thinks they are good or bad, or just so so.

Sometimes the big guy thinks I'm mean when I say things like "it's time guys" which means its bed time. At the same time, the little guy has also said I'm being mean when I say that. The big guy told me tonight (Sunday the 10th) "you mea daddy" when I said it was time.

I really do think in his mind I am being mean on purpose, like I'm honestly trying to ruin his fun time. I don't want to be a mean daddy, but bed time is bed time. I don't want to be a bad daddy, but when it's time to do something I try to make it as easy as I can on him, but sometimes he gets really mad at me for it. Sometimes he goes to bed easy, other times he has a big problem with it and does not want to go to bed. 

School let out a while ago for summer, so mom and I were trying a new thing where we would just let him go till he fell out and crashed. Our idea (her idea really) was he would sleep later in the morning because he went to bed so late at night. During the school year we have tried to have him in bed by 8pm or 9 pm, that way he would have enough sleep to get up and go to school. So 7am would come along and mom would end up dressing him while he was sleeping because he didn't want to wake up, then on the weekends he would be up at 6am or 6:30. It was like he knew he didn't have to go to school, so he wanted to get to playing as soon as possible to get in as much as he could for the day. 

So a few nights last week he stayed up till 11:30 one night, 12:00 another night, and about 10 or so another night, but that did not translate to later mornings, as most mornings he was still up at 6 am, and one morning sooner. So it has been confirmed, he knows he does not have school, so he's getting up early because of it. I'm telling you, I have a six year old teenager. 

So now after the experiment he has gone back to having a "normal" bedtime, roughly 8 or 9 pm. At least this way he will have more than just 6 or 7 hours of sleep. We will just have to deal with him getting up early. It's not so bad, I used to do it when I was his age, I just hope he doesn't feed the fish like I did when I was around his age, I don't think the fish would like to eat mayo, ketchup, mustard, salt and pepper and a whole host of other condiments. 

I know it's just a kid thing; the little guy gets up early also, sometimes really early. So I guess it's OK, we will just have to have early mornings while he's out of school. I wonder if I tell him he has school in the morning if he would sleep in......hmmm... I wonder.

So, is your kid an early riser?

The restaurant effects everyone.

We went out to dinner, and it didn't go so well. The big guy was OK, but he had a few issues.

So mom got a few free coupons to chili's, and we went. The little guy was really good, and he was even flirting with a waitress, which was hilarious, and the big guy had the iPad. That is where the problems started.

As I've said in my earlier posts, he has a new iPad. We got him the WiFi only model as it was cheaper, and we would't have to have a data plan for it, just buy it outright. A while back I unlocked YouTube on his iPad, and yeah I know that may be a little dangerous because he may watch something we don't want him to watch, but that has not happened yet.

What has happened is he started watching videos about Super Mario 64 on it, which I find awesome. He is totally enthralled with the videos because they are game play videos, so it's as if he is playing the game, but not having to do anything. I thought it was cute at first, but now I really do not like it.

Anyone with an autistic child will know how they can focus on something to the point of killing it. He has killed this. Now if you don't know about YouTube you've probably been in prison since 2004, but if you watch a video it buffers before you can watch it, but once it has finished buffering and you don't look for a new video you can actually pull the slider back and watch the video again as many times as you want.

Herein lies the problem.

So we got to chili's and everything was fine, the video he had watched at the house was still on the device because it is a 20 minute video. Once we were there he decided to watch a different video, which did not happen. That is when he started having a problem. He loved the southwestern egg rolls, but did not want any of his real dinner (that's OK cuz it was free). Once he found out he couldn't find any more videos the big guy started having problems, getting mat at mom and I, trying to bite mom, screaming, and just generally being mad.

This wasn't a meltdown, just being mad that he can't watch any more videos. The bigger problem is both mom and I have an iPhone, and YouTube on our phone, but he did not want to deal with that at all. I think he didn't want to deal with it for two reasons. The first reason I think he had a problem with watching the videos on mom's phone is the size of the phone, it is a bit small. The second reason is YouTube has a different format on the iPhone as opposed to the iPad and because he's so visually oriented, it bothers him to see YouTube is a different way.

Ether way, we left in a bit of a hurry, he did eat, though probably not as much as I would have liked. He did not have a full on meltdown, though he was crabby. The one thing that was really cute, he was so tired when we were sitting in the booth, and I think that has some to do with the way he was acting.

I'm going to lock YouTube out on the iPad again and I know this will make him mad, but I don't like to see him so passive with the iPad. The apps he has designed for autism are engaging, and the games he plays he is also engaged with. It's just when he's watching things on it I don't like, I feel like he's zoning out and not participating, just letting things happen.

 I don't want to look like the bad guy or anything, but I do want him to interact with things, not just sit and let them happen passively. I just feel like he's not learning like that.You think limiting his passive video watching is mean?

Should you teach your autistic child to swim?

As far back as I can remember my family has always gone swimming. It was ether at a lake, a community pool, my grandmother’s apartment complex, the beach in California, almost anywhere. My siblings and I always had a blast, and we never tired of it.

During the summer it was our thing to do, what I didn't realize is it never cost anything. Yeah it would cost the money it took to pay for gas to drive there, or maybe the money for sandwiches while we were there (most of the time we had a huge bowl or grapes and cherry's to eat by the pool), but honestly, that's not very much.

So swimming is a cheap form or entertainment. It's also a great form of exercise. What's better than kids getting outside and expelling load of energy, especially with all the digital distractions we have today.

OK, so now we have a cheap, good source of exercise, and it gets me off the couch also, so that can't be bad. Then we have the "life skill" aspect. I don't know anyone who does not know how to swim, or at the very least, no one has ever told me they don't know how to swim. I want my son to know how to swim, even if it's only doggy paddle. I think this is something he will need to know.

So last year my wife got one of the small pop-up pools. The pool isn't very big, about four feet high, and 12 feet around, and we sent it up. He loves it, and everyone else likes to have fun in it. We set it up again this year, and we have used it a few times, but he hasn't learned to swim yet, and I don't expect him to for a while.

The little guy hasn't learned to swim ether, but that's OK, I didn't learn to actually swim until I was about 6 myself. The little guy is our water baby; the big guy on the other hand will always do what he wants. There have been times we've had to get out because the big guy has decided he was done swimming after only a half hour. The thing that worries me about the big guy is he has gone under before, and I don't want that to scare him out of anything to do with water.

When he goes under, and it has only been for a second, he does not want to have anything to do with the pool anymore. I know it's scary for a regular child, but for an autistic it must be horrifying. It takes so long to get him to want to go back in the pool after going under, even days later, so I just let him work it through, and he usually comes around and wants to have fun more than he fears going under water again.

So I will go slowly at teaching him how to swim and the little guy as well. Though I do want him to know, I'll let him learn in his own time. Once he does learn, I think we will go up to a larger size pool, till then, we will stay with the 4 footer.

Would you teach your autistic child to swim? How would you go about it?