Autistic Emotions

Almost everything I have heard about autism is that people who have autism are not very affectionate. If that is true, my son is the exception that proves the rule. The big guy loves us very much, and you can tell. The other night (about a week or more ago, as of this post) I went to get something sweet from the store, I had a sweet tooth. He saw me leave, and sat at the front door until I returned. When I walked in the door, he gave me a big fat hug.

Now from the things I have read, hugging to an autistic is like you or I hugging a cactus because of the sensory problems associated with autism. All I can say is, he has always been like that, very loving. He gives kisses and hugs, he signs "I love you" he will come up to you a pat you on the leg or hand because he thinks you’re mad or sad, it's all really cute.

Then there is the other half of it, sometimes he can be downright mean. A few nights ago mom and I were in the kitchen cooking and we heard the little guy start crying. So we went out to the living room and saw the little guy on the couch, and the big guy standing in front of him. The little guy was crying and had big red spots on his cheeks, and the big guy spotted us and looked like he was saying "what? I don't know what's wrong with him". So I grabbed the big guy, who started crying, screaming, kicking and biting me, and went off to his room with him. Mom stayed with the little guy. While I was trying to calm the big guy, mom was able to get out of the little guy that the big guy was smacking him repeatedly on the cheeks, like he saw in a movie. I tried to explain to the big guy that when he does things like that it hurts, and he can't do things like that. The problem is, like I said in my previous post, this is an abstract thought that is really hard to explain to the big guy.

The big guy doesn't understand that an action he does will hurt the person he is doing it to. He just sees that action, and does not understand the consequences. I know he gets that stuff from movies he watches, and yes you can say, well "don't let him watch stuff like that" but if you take the time and really look at children's movies, even snow white has violence in it.

The best we can do is try to mitigate the damages, explain things the best we can, and also explain to the little guy that the big guy does not know he is hurting him. It just breaks my heart that the little guy looks at the big guy like a horror movie monster sometimes. I just hope as they get older it will get easier, and I'm sure it will.

The big guy has also done some very funny inappropriate actions because of a movie. At some point, and I'm not sure when, he saw a female lead in a film kiss the male lead and not just a peck on the lips. It had to have been one of the big kisses, you know where it looks like each person is trying to eat each other’s face. Well, we decided to give me a kiss like that, and when he was first coming at me I just expected a big guy kiss, but then he stated moving his head back and forth, and holding my cheeks, like I was the love of his life. It was honestly very funny. Then he went and kissed his mom like that, and yeah we were laughing. But there again we have a problem, it's hard to explain to him that this type of kissing is something adults in a relationship do, not how he would kiss his mom.

I'm sure he will eventually learn what he does hurts others, or what kind of kiss is appropriate. As of now though, we will have to deal with things as they happen. I guess that's all we can do.

My life with Autism

My son has Autism. If you are not aware of what Autism is, it is a developmental disorder where a person has trouble communicating and socializing with other people. My son is (as of this post) 5 years old, and a riot, but he also has very few words he uses to communicate with us. He says things like daddy, but it sounds like dahdee, and just recently he stated saying mommy in place of ma-ma, which is a big step. Something I thought was awesome was over the Christmas vacation from school, he decided his new word was Whoa, and he used it almost nonstop, but the cool thing is, he used it in context. When opening his big present on Christmas Eve day, he said "Whoa!!!!!" and it totally fit because you could tell from the look on his face he really was wowed by the present he was opening. 

Because of his communication abilities, or lack of abilities, most of the time it is really hard to explain to him an abstract thought. Simple questions with a yes or no answer are easy to deal with , it's the more complicated communication that is the hardest. A simple idea, like sharing with his little brother, is almost an impossible concept to explain to him. Many times I have had to take a toy away from the little guy and give it to the big guy just to reduce the meltdown he will have because his brother has his toy, regardless of if he was playing with the toy or not. I know this is making the little guy mad, angry, jealous, and probably very resentful at both his older brother and me. I hate that this is how it has to be, but I do not have any other choice at this time. I know it will be easier later when the big guy is more able to communicate, and can understand things like "sharing" or "late", or other abstract ideas. 

One of the worst things though is other people and the looks and comments my wife and I get when we go out sometimes.

 We did our taxes a while ago, and the big guy was doing pretty good, no meltdown or anything like that. At one point I took the boys for a walk to get something to drink at a convenience store, brought something back for my wife and all, and we went back to where we were getting our taxes done. Everything seemed all good, the boys and I were in the waiting area playing with balloons to try not to bother everyone so much. I had to go to the table to sign some papers, and my wife asked if I heard what the lady behind us said when we got back, I said I didn't. Well she told me the lady said "oh great, they're back". That made me so mad. I know our children are sometimes very loud, but I didn't think they were very loud that day. The big guy usually vocalizes with a kind of loud type of grunt, or noise....it's hard to explain, it's like a person says "ahhh" but not in a scared type of way. The reason I got so mad about it is not because of her comment, trust me, I've been around bad kids before, it's because of the idea behind her comment. I know she is thinking we just let our kids do whatever they want, they have no discipline, and we are bad parents because our kids can't behave in public, but nothing could be farther from the truth. We have done the best we can, but raising an Autistic child is not an easy thing. Like I was saying, he does not understand abstract things like "you have to be quiet in an office setting" or "we you go to a restaurant, the food is not instant".

Yeah we could have had someone watch they boys while we did our taxes, but honestly, it's not a library, and we really don't want to dump our kids off on people to do normal daily things, like go to the grocery store, do our taxes, or when we go to other places of business.

Really I just wish people would educate themselves about things some times, or be a decent person and keep your ideas and comments to yourself, I didn't make a comment about her teenage daughter having a cellphone (which I do not agree with) and texting like crazy, and I also did not turn around and tell her to mind her own business. Honestly, if you do not know what is going on with the people around you, like a disability, don't comment about that persons behavior. You wouldn't say something about a person with Turrets syndrome, mostly because the person would probably spew profanity at you, which would be awesome. 

Just wish people understood how hard it is from my point of view sometimes.