Disneyland

We have decided its time to try a real family vacation. What better place to go than Disneyland. I have a few reasons why I picked Disneyland over Disney world. Disneyland is the original, you can't beat that. I know Disney World has more to do, and it has many parent friendly attractions, but I'm not really worried about how much fun I can have, and besides, watching the kids have fun makes me happy. Another reason I chose Disneyland is I've been there before. Now matter how much they've changed it, it's still basically the same, and I want to see the same wonder in my children's eyes I had when I first went there. Yeah I can do this with Disney World, but it's not the same, not to me anyway. Another reason I want to go there is its in Sunny Southern California, and that's where I'm from and it's always nice to go home for a visit. I want to have the ability to see as many friends and family as I can while I'm out there, I may not see them all, but I'm going to try my best. 

So now that we're firm on where we want to go, we have to figure out how to get there. So, lets look at the different forms of travel....from the autism point of view. First lets look at trains, I know what you're going to say, that's soooo 19th century, but for an autistic child it would be AWESOME! It's would also give us the ability to deal with anything that might come up, like a meltdown, loss of power for the iPad, food and drink at any time, but there just one problem, time. The quickest ride out there is 46 hours long, not time efficient at all. We would end up spending most of our vacation in a train, that would suck. 

Next up we have driving. Driving would be great, but it could take just as long or longer, cost more, ad wear and tear on the car or we could break down on the way, which could totally suck. One of the better parts of driving is we can stop if we need to, one of the downsides is the car won't charge the iPads, and so he'd run out of juice and not be able to recharge. I think we'd also have to stop at least once for the night, so that will make the trip that much longer, or at least as long as taking the train. 

I won't even talk about taking a bus, out of the question. 

So, since there is no ocean between us and California, that leaves only one form of travel left... Plane. Just thinking of all that can go wrong is scary. He could have a meltdown at any point of the process. Takeoff and landing could be absolutely horrible and scare the bejesus out of him. We could be stuck in separate seats, not likely, but it could happen, and that would make calming him impossible. Logan may have such a big meltdown they would be forced to land and boot us off the plane, and we'd be stuck. Not to mention the possibility of a crash, that would suck. The plane ride is the shortest form of travel, and because of that I think it's the best way to go. We won't know until we try it. Something else may also happen that would be great, he could have no problem with the flight at all. I already know he loves roller coasters, so he may love every second of it. As soon as he's able to use his iPad again, I know he'd be happy. 

This is just the start of the whole adventure, there is so much more to think about, so many different variables. We have to think of travel there and back, rooms accommodations, how much we think he can handle while where there, or if we can keep up with him. We have to think of what rides he can go on, if they'll be too loud, fast, the motion, so many things. We have to think about the food, will he want to eat what's there, or will we have to find one place that serves food he will eat. We also have to think about if he'll get stuck. There are times he gets stuck on stuff, where he doesn't want to do anything else. I worry about him getting stuck on a certain ride, not wanting to leave, I'm not so much worried about him getting stuck in one section of the park, that wouldn't bother me to much. 

One thing I haven't thought of till just now writing this is his age. We've seen him advance so much in the last few months with his speech and learning, his meltdowns have been less and of shorter duration, and he's more easily able to deal with things if I talk to him eye to eye and tell him exactly what's going to happen. 

With all the things we have to think about, I know we're in for an adventure. No matter how it turns out, I know we will never forget it. It's about a year away, depending on the time we decide to go, but we have so much we need to find out, so much planning to do. I hope you'll join me by reading about this trip while we're planning it. There is so much to do and think about, I bet I can even write a book about it. I guess this is good enough, for now. 

Autism is always 100%

Having a child with autism is hard sometimes. It's straining emotionally and mentally, it taxes you physically, it takes a toll on the family, as well as people who come in contact with us on a daily basis. When Logan does something it's always 100%. It doesn't matter if its sleeping, playing, eating, watching a movie or playing with his iPad.... It's always 100%. 

Logan watches movies differently than anyone I know. With everyone else it's a passive experience, you sit and watch, take in the story, become emotionally involved with the characters but that's about it. Logan watches a movie very differently. He will act out the parts, try to say the lines, emotionally act out scary or heartfelt scenes. Chase scenes in any movie is full action, he will run around the house, jumping, flying, rolling and sliding... It's always a blast. With emotionally charged dialogue scenes he will try to say the lines, but he will also have the same postures as the actors, even making the same movements and facial expressions. Fight scenes are the worst, because he will try to fight it out with someone or something and most times it's the person closest to him, mom, me, his brother, the dog....anyone. Watching a movie to Logan is anything but passive, it's all about total immersion. 

When it's time to eat, it's time to eat and he will get something to eat if you don't have something made for him. It's rare for him to eat with us mostly because he's already had his dinner, or he's still eating what he decided was his dinner. We're lucky in that many times he wants yogurt, or bananas for dinner, but sometimes he wants corn dogs or pizza. I can't complain to much because at least he wants healthy stuff more often than not. 

Going to the park is all or nothing. We have a pretty sizable park close to us that's pretty kid friendly and it's pretty large. Because he will wander, going to the park for us is not sitting on a bench and watching him play like other parents , it's constantly go go go. I'm usually about three steps behind him at any given moment. Climbing up and down, around in circles, helping him climb up a rope ladder or going to the swings, going across the bridge or sliding down slides, yup at my age I still have to go down slides. I have to go down the slides right behind him, it takes to long to go around and I might loose him. At the same time I am steering him away from things we don't want him near, like the road, the skate park area, or the closed down community pool. There is a caboose on train rails in the park and its pretty old and worn out. The city has finally locked it up so children can't go inside anymore. That's great for me as any parent of an autistic child will tell you they are fascinated with trains and everything to do with them. I never knew what we would find inside the caboose. Before the city boarded it up most of my time spent with him at the park was spent trying to steer him away from the caboose, or trying make sure he didn't hurt himself inside. Now he knows I don't have the power to open it and let him play in it anymore so the park is much more fun for me, and it doesn't seem to bother him as much. 

When it's time for bed.... That's a bit of trouble sometimes. There are nights he will go into his room and watch tv or play with his iPad for a while, then he poops out crashes, usually with the tv or iPad on. Then there are nights he just will not stop. He will come out of his room five times, ask for something to eat or drink or want a different movie put in. He has come out on a few occasions and said a whole paragraph of things to us that make no sense because it's in his form of words, then he turns around and goes right back in his room. Let me tell you, he has told some funny stories... At least...they're funny to us. Some nights nothing will get him to sleep, I have had to stay up until 12 or 1 in the morning because he's still up. It's not like he's drank a six pack of soda, or had five cups of coffee, he's just not tired. Eventually I will have to go in and lay him in his bed, tell him it's time to sleep, and wait till he's dropping off to leave. Sometimes that's just how it has to be. The strangest thing is there have been a number of days when we have noticed he isn't running around reeking havoc acting out a movie or raiding the fridge for yogurt, and we go into his room and find him out cold, upside down and backwards in his bed.... Those days are cute. 

My son may be different, but he is never boring. He is always going, always doing, always at the maximum of anything he knows he can do. He's always 100% into anything. I wonder if we were more like that what life would be like. 

Autism is freedom

Most people think of a child with autism as retarded. Lets take a look at that word for a minute. The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines the word retarded as "slow or limited in intellectual or emotional development or academic progress". If you ask any person on the street what retarded means they'll all mostly say it means dumb.

I will concede that my son takes longer to learn how to write his name and longer to understand about feelings, but I know from experience he is far from dumb. In fact, I think he's smarter than most "normal" people.

He decides something and does it, not matter what the outcome. I can tell you there are times it makes me uneasy, but other times I wonder at him. He has done things that hurt him, like running on the couch, and promptly falling off of it into the coffee table. Which starts a 20 minute cry fest as his mom and I trying to find out what happened. He is also able to pay with the most mundane of items, like a string, or a piece of ribbon, or a rock. I can only imagine what he's thinking about when he's playing with those things. 

We are all held back by fear, social norms, peer pressure, society or any number of things. He has freedom. He is free to choose to do, and he does. All of our choices are decided for us by what others will think and feel, not his. We have people expecting us to preform a certain way in any situation, he doesn't. We make a decision and hold ourselves to that decision, he doesn't, if he changes his mind about something, it doesn't bother him. 

He will pee in the front yard, because he has to go. To the best of my ability I explain to him that he's not supposed to do that, but what can you do? If he decides its time to wake up, and he's awake at 3:30 in the morning, then it doesn't matter if we're all still asleep or not. If he thinks we all need to eat pancakes for dinner, guess what? Yup, pancake time. 

He has a freedom many of us will never know. He is free to choose whatever path he wants. He chooses not to like someone at the first meeting, and will let them know, and doesn't usually change his mind about someone. 

He may be slow to learn about things. His emotional development may be limited or slow, and it does take him longer to learn anything academically than other people. People will also call him dumb, but I think he's far from dumb. I think he's smarter than the people who would call him dumb. I think he has control over something so many people in this world work their whole lives to grasp and never truly find, and that's freedom. 

Dads and Autism.

I don't mean to gripe, but the other day I saw a Facebook page post 80+ pictures to an album celebrating moms. I have no problems with that, I think mothers dealing with autistic children are awesome, but what about dads? Are we not present? Do we have no voice? Do people honestly think we have no feelings or thoughts about this? 

I see more and more information on the web about mothers and autism. Blogs, websites, Facebook groups... It seems endless. It also seems like everyone forget about dads. 

I say this not because I can't find anything about dads and autism, I have found some things about dads and autism, but nothing like mothers and autism.

I know almost everyone will say the same thing, guys don't talk about their feelings. Though this may be true, I'm still feeling it's not that simple with autism. 

I really think it has more to do with the fact that women are more social about things than guys. Women dominate Pinterest and women are much more active on Facebook than guys, well geek guys are real active one Facebook, but us geek guys don't really count. It's not only that, even when couples go on a tv show to talk about autism the mom does most or all of the talking, the guy is really just a set piece. 

This makes me a bit sad, but more mad. I cannot believe men don't care about their son or daughter with autism. I cannot believe autism is a women's only club. I don't want to think that men do not care, they must care, they can't be heartless can they? 

I would love to see more men say something about autism. Something about how they feel, what they think, how they deal with a meltdown or communication issues. I would love to see some dads talk about how awesome their autistic child is. I would like to see dads tell people how they express ideas with their son or daughter. 

I guess I feel like autism is a mothers world, and men just don't belong. I think we have so much to contribute, maybe all people have to do is just ask. 

Play things

My son will play with anything. Though you may think that's great given that he's autistic, I must tell you now it's a double edged sword. Not only is it sometimes awkward, it can also be very dangerous.

One of the awkward things are toys meant for girls. A few weeks back we went to Walmart and got a toy for the big guy and the little guy. We like to let them pick the toys out, and I'm sure they like the fact that they get to choose. Ethan wanted a toy that fits on the iPad to play a counting game with a free companion app you can download from the App Store. Logan chose a Bratz tea party set, an absolute girls toy.

Now I'm not one of those guys who think boys shouldn't play with dolls and girls can't build a fort. I think girls and boys can do whatever they want. I have no problem with that. I also don't have a problem going to the register and handing a girl toy to the clerk, and then handing it right over to my son. I couldn't care less what that person thinks, chances are I won't see them again. The awkwardness comes from the fact that we have nothing for him to play with it with.

The tea set is specifically made from very large Bratz dolls, and he doesn't have any. He can try to play with some of his ninja turtles, but it won't work very well. So it kind of sucks knowing I'm paying a few bucks (it was marked down for quick sale) for something he won't really be able to use, at least not in the way it was intended.

He has picked out many "girl" toys before. One had something to do with these little animals that fold up into a ball, and they had their own little play world. He also had a lala loopsie merry go round. I don't care if he wants to play with these things at all, but I think I know why he wants them, because they are fascinating! I look at them and think they are, the tea set was really intricate, the little bear toy worked with magnets and had all these "paths" the bear could go, and the merry-go-round, well, it was a merry-go-round. I'm just excited that he plays with toys because when he was 2 all he would do was turn a wheel on a car over and over, and never push it around like other kids do. He would get so stuck on the wheel it was like he physically could not see the rest of the car. So if he wants a Barbie, who cares!!!! As long as he's playing, and not stuck, I'm good.

The danger comes when he plays with something that is definitely not a toy, like a 12 gallon trash bag, Lysol, bicycle lock, shishors (his word for scissors) or knives. Yes, we have caught our son playing with all these things and more, and we are very lucky he hasn't cut off something he may need when he's older. People who aren't around autistic children don't understand they cannot these types of items to come across their path. As parents we all know we can't give these things to kids because they may hurt themselves or someone else, but by 6 year sold, almost 7, most children develop a common sense about these types of items. Yeah you put these things up when they are young, but we will probably have to keep these things up most of his childhood. By the time your child is ten, these are not things you'll have to worry about, we may worry about these things until he's 14, or older.

Just a few weeks ago he was out in the back yard, swinging something over his head. Momma thought it was a rope, then she got a good look at it and saw it was a bicycle lock. It was one of the ones with the heavy duty beaded wire cord, and pretty hearty lock on the end that could really do some damage if it hit something. My wife had out it in the shed thingy (yeah that's the technical term) and he found it. I can only imagine his thoughts on it "wow, a metal lasso!" and then the fun ensues.

He didn't hit himself, though he could have, because mom got it away from him before he could. I've caught him with knives. One night he ran out of his room and when to the kitchen to get a drink, like he usually does, only when he came back out he had a steak knife, like he'd just cooked a hog in his room and now it was time to eat. We have to hide the scissors high away in a basket thing in the cupboards because he's been able to sneak that past us.

A few times he's had me try and get the knots out of his shoes, and every time he asks me to he says "shishors" and runs into the kitchen to get them. He can't reach them (for now) so I always have to get him to come back to me so I can show him I can untie the knots without scissors. I know what he's thinking, "this is something I can't untie, so I'll get daddy to do it, but he'll need scissors!". I know he means well, but the tools for the job aren't always what he thinks he needs.

I know children can be a handful, that's very evident with Logan and Ethan, but it's something we will always have to be on our toes about with Logan. Ethan will develop a kind of common sense about different items, and how some need to be handled with care. Logan may not develop that for a long time, if ever. Mom and I will always have to keep our wits about us with Logan, especially because he sometimes wakes up at 3 am to start the day. If we don't wake up and tell him he has to go back to sleep, he may go get some scissors or a knife, and decide he needs to use the tools on something. I really don't want to wake up to a child with a missing appendage, I also don't want to wake up to no shoelaces in any of my shoes.

My gift.

Earlier today I went out to lunch with my wife and it was really nice. The boys had stayed over at their grandmothers house the night before, so my wife and I had a good long time "alone". We weren't totally alone, other people were around us and all, but we didn't have to watch the boys. It was great getting away, not having to listen to them fighting over stuff, Ethan talking about weird stuff, or Logan having a meltdown. Though it was nice, I did miss the little turds.

Like I had said earlier, my wife and I decided to stop at this little burger stand in town, they have awesome burgers, just really great stuff. While we were eating the churches around town got out of their services, and quite a few people came into the burger joint. One family, a dad mom and two little girls, got my attention, but not for what you may think.

They were all "normal", or I should say, they all didn't show any outward signs of any disabilities. Why should they? Not everyone has a family member with a disability, or do they? The mom and dad were about 30+ years old, and the two little girls, I assume, we're about 7 and 9 or so. Both little girls were very articulate, well spoken, and what seemed to me very well behaved. The dad didn't look mean, and paid attention to the girls when they said something, then there was the mom.

The mom seemed as if the little girls were completely uncontrollable. The place was pretty vacant when we sat down to eat, and when they came in, they really had the pick of the place. They went to go sit down, and the mom was okay at first. Then one of the girls said she didn't like sitting there, I couldn't hear her season as to why, but it seemed she just really wanted to sit in a different spot.

That's not a big deal, we have had to make sure we sit in certain spots before. Just like I'm sure you sometimes don't want to sit at a table, and would rather have a booth, that's what it seemed like to me. The mom, on the other hand seem to have a huge problem moving. I don't know if the table was dirty, or the one the girl wanted to sit at was dirty, or what, but you could see the frustration in the mothers face. It was like someone had broke her vacuum and then dumped a pointed plant on her carpet. She was totally stressed out at her kids insistence that they move tables.

I know kids can get on your nerves, mine do, and other people's kids do, but this seemed excessive. I know the little girl had no mental issues, she spoke clearly, didn't stutter or make noises, I mean, you just had to be there and you'd say to yourself "that's just a normal little girl". It seemed like the mom was the one with issues, and it got me thinking.

This lady wouldn't handle five minutes with my son, not five single minutes. He would drive her nuts, she would not be able to even deal with him. Just flat out, she couldn't handle him. I have a gift, that gift isn't patients, compassion, understanding, or any of that, my gifts name is Logan.

He's my gift because he forces me to learn all those things. He forces me to be compassionate towards others because not everyone has the same capabilities. He forces me to learn patients because he sometimes wants to do things when I don't want him to. He forces me to stand my ground and be stern because he's unaware that some of the things he wants to do my hurt him very badly, and this also helps with little things like bedtime.

Logan forces me to do my best at understanding anyone, no matter who they are, because he tries to tell me things and some of the time they don't make sense at first. Logan forces me to be stern, if I don't say what I mean he will walk all over me, and mom. Logan teaches me to be quick at my reflexes, or he may tag me in the face with a toy, not on purpose, but you know how it is.

The one thing Logan teaches me the best is to love no matter what. I love him no matter what, even when he's being a total crap head. He has to have things a certain way, and I understand that and I love him for it. He can be a total monster sometimes, and it sucks, but it doesn't mean I love him any less, I just need to learn to deal with it, and teach him how to understand things.

I feel sorry for that mom because it doesn't seem like she gets to learn any of these things. She has a "normal" child, and has a problem when this child wants to sit in a different spot in a restaurant, what will happen when she brings home the man she's going to marry, and the mom has a problem with that? It's just seems to me that the mom will never be happy, and she's missing out on so many things.

My son will run away!!!

My son is labeled a flight risk at school. They keep a close eye on him during class and on the playground, but we also have to keep a close eye on him at home or he may just leave, and not come back.

I remember the first time I took him to the park. We got there and he went in to the playground area and just kind of walked around, he wasn't too sure about any of the stuff he was looking at. Then he wanted to walk down the hill, away from all the playground stuff. Nothing was over there really, just a few trees and a walking path, but nothing to play on. He just wanted to walk, and he did.

It really was kind of comical. A two and a half year old tootling down a hill just walking away, all by himself like he knew exactly where he was going. The problem was he didn't want to come back. He also didn't want to stop. I'm sure if I'd have let him he would have walked to Antarctica, but mom was cooking dinner, so we had to cut his stroll a bit short.

We have always had to deal with stuff like that. Once he was able to walk and get around we had to toddler proof the house like normal parents, but we had to go one step further and make sure he couldn't get out of the house. We still have to make sure he doesn't get out of the house.

At first we just used the door locks and dead bolts because his lack of fine motor control wouldn't let him undo a lock or even turn the handle, but he's gotten better at opening doors over the years, so we have to do a bit more now.

People who come over for the first time must find it almost comical (or scary) to hear the sound of all these locks opening when we open the door and I bet it freaks them out when we lock the door right behind them. Because we have barrel locks on all the doors and we always have to make sure they are set, or he will just leave. He's a crafty little bugger, he will move a chair over to the door, climb up the chair, and undo the barrel locks. To make sure he can't do that all the barrel locks are at the top of the doors.  Eventually he will grow up, and we will have to figure something else out.

We've put these locks on the front and back door, the stock room door, and the laundry room door. Not only do we have to make sure he doesn't leave, we have to make sure he won't get into anything he shouldn't, and most of the chemicals are in the laundry room and stock room.

Sometimes it is exhausting trying to keep him in the house. Especially if it’s raining or snowing outside, because that's when it's most fun right? So he will try to open the door and go where he wants. It's so hard to explain to him that it's time for dinner and he can't go out and play in the rain, and he gets so mad about that, but he can't get that door open, so he throws a fit.

We don't have to worry about this stuff with his little brother, but we have to keep an eye one him all the time. We still put him inside the cart in the store, and if we go to a restaurant we have to make sure we hold his hand, sit in a booth, and sit him next to the wall. Mom and I will have to mesh our legs together under the table to make sure he won't crawl out. If we are at a store that doesn't have carts (which we avoid) one of us will always have hold of his hand, and sometimes he will do everything he can just to let go and run.

I know kids will be kids, and they just want to get up and go, see everything, do everything, and play with everything, but it's different with an autistic child, we have to be hyper vigilant.

As I'm reading over this post it sounds as if we are horrible parents and our oldest son wants to just run away from us because we are so "mean" to him, but that's really not the case at all. Yes we have to lock him in the house, yes we make sure he cannot just run away when we go out, but aside from our extremes, isn't that what "normal" parents do with their kids anyway? 

Loose tooth.

It's been a while since my last post, and that's OK  sometimes I don't have much to say, but a lot has happened since my last post. So here we go...

A few months ago the big guy had his picture taken at school. It's was one of his best school pictures so far. Nice blue background, he had a cool button down shirt, his hair was just right, but the best part... It was his last picture with all his baby teeth. The picture was taken on a Friday, and when he woke up in the morning on Saturday, he had one less tooth.

It was the cutest thing. He came out of his room that morning then came and woke me up. At first I didn't notice anything, then he said something and I noticed it was gone. It was kind of surprising, because we didn't know it was loose. I woke momma up real quick (she was really only snoozing) and we were just amazed. That's when we found the second loose tooth right next to the gaping hole from his missing tooth.

Losing a tooth as a child is a big deal, it always was for me, and I think it's the same for most people. The tooth comes out and we keep it so we can put it under our pillow at night. Then during the night one of our parents will come in and switch the tooth with a dollar while we sleep and claim it was the tooth fairy. It's a sweet childhood memory we can all look back on with nostalgia, but this is all different with an auspie.

First, he never let us know it was loose. I didn't know, and momma didn't ether. I'm sure he knew it was loose, but I don't think it came across his mind to say something, and with his vocabulary now I think he could have said something if he wanted to. I guess he just didn't think it would fall out, or that it was important. Second, we may always have to find out about things after it happens. Things like this may be something he doesn't tell us because "he doesn't know any better", and I hate using that phrase because it seems so demeaning, but he really doesn't.

He tells us other things about his body, when he's hungry and thirsty, he's put himself to bed many times without us knowing, and sometimes before his bedtime, he can tell us when he's cold or hot, but these are all kind of basic things or everyday type things. Other things, important things, he will only tell us if we ask him, like if he feels sick. Most kids will say "momma, I don't feel good" but he doesn't, he will just keep on going, and we really have to keep an eye on him. He can't say if his ear hurts if he has an ear infection, or if he feels hot or cold if he has a fever, or if he's about to puke because his tummy is upset, all of these things we have to watch for. It's not the same as having a "regular" kid, like there really are any "regular" kids.

This also kind of worries me as he gets older, because he will go through puberty, that is a fact (thank god he's not a girl) and I may not have the ability to explain to him what's going on with his body or he may not be able to comprehend what I'm trying to explain. He's going to grow facial hair, and he's seen me shave, and has a toy shaving kit now, but a play razor is different than a real razor, and he may not develop the fine motor control needed to shave and not hurt himself. The only thing I know for sure is I can try to do my best when the time comes.

Oh yeah, and about the tooth, we didn't find it; I'm sure he swallowed it in his sleep and didn't know it. The other tooth, it fell out also and we didn't find that one ether, but he still got a dollar for each, and he really didn't care about "the tooth fairy" story we told him. Matter of fact, he didn't seem to care about the dollars ether, I had to take him back in his room and show him the dollar, and he just said "yay" and ran away to play, I ended up putting the dollar in his piggy bank for him.